


Where I sleep...

by littlemisscurious



Series: Tom, Louise and Maggie [10]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Child Death, Established Relationship, F/M, Hope, Loss, Maybe - Freeform, Miscarriage, Multi Chapter, part of a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-18
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-08 20:37:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 27,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/765767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemisscurious/pseuds/littlemisscurious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While the relationship of Louise and Tom developed already in 'Maybe', new struggles and obstacles await them in 'Where I sleep...'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Tom Hiddleston, neither have I met him before or know what he is really like. The band ‘The Chase’, its members, music, history etc. derive entirely from my imagination and any resemblance to living persons is purely incidental. I have tried to stick to real events and places (when necessary) as much as possible but sometimes minor details will be changed in order for the story and its progress to be plausible. Any kind of feedback, questions or criticism are highly appreciated and welcome.

**1\. The Fall**

    “There we go guys.” Tom handed Mark and Chris a pint of beer each before taking his own seat next to them in one of the upper blocks of Berlin’s O2 World, which was reserved for friends and family of the band and its crew.  
    It was one of the first shows of The Chase’s world tour this spring and as Tom and the others were in Berlin anyway to promote ‘The Avengers’, Louise had invited them all to come along. The support band had just finished playing and the crew was busy resetting the stage for the main act now. His fiancée had banned him from coming backstage right before the show as she was overly excited and nervous anyway, so he merely sent her a text wishing her a lot of fun and all the best. He had not been to one of their shows in quite some time and he was very much looking forward to it, just as Mark and Chris.

    “My son is quite jealous of me right now,” Mark joked and took a sip of his beer. “Maybe I’ll get a shirt for him or something like it.” Chris chuckled at this.  
    “Not sure that will make him less envious, Mark,” he grinned and looked around the sold-out arena. Shortly after, the lights were dimmed and the sound of Henry’s electric guitar ripped through the murmur of the crowd, causing the fans to freak out entirely. Their German fans were definitely more binged up than their English ones, Tom thought with a grin and he leaned forward a bit to get a better glimpse of the stage.  
    He smiled as he heard Louise’s voice singing the first notes of their song ‘Bring me to life’ before the spotlight found her on stage as well. Her long hair was flowing down her back, and she was wearing a black ‘Led Zeppelin’ shirt with skinny jeans and Converse which, god, did she look good in.  
    Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Chris grinning at him, before his big, strong hand ruffled through his shorter, caramel coloured hair. Laughing, he shoved the actor’s hand away before he focused on his fiancée down on stage again, following her every move, listening to every note.

 

    Adrenalin rushed through her body, making her forget the stomach pain, which she had suffered from the whole afternoon, immediately. Being on stage was like a drug. She was always nervous as hell before going on stage but as soon as she heard the crowd, as soon as the sound waves caused by Paul’s bass made the stage shiver, as soon as the lights went out, she was ready.

    It was a bit as if her entire body went into autopilot and, instead of thinking about what she had to do, she merely functioned in all the right ways. It was like flying, just without the wings, and she enjoyed every single second of it.  
Her eyes scanned the crowd, recognising the odd face of those who seemed to follow them around on tour. Henry next to her stood on one of the boxes at the front of the stage and she joined him under the shouts and cheers from the fans while singing her heart out. Oh how she loved being on tour!

 

    It was the middle of the show and everyone was standing by now. Tom leaned onto the banister in front him cheering loudly while Mark and Chris were equally excited. The 31 year old grinned widely as the first notes of ‘Rough’ could be heard. He loved that song; the quiet beginning followed by an intense guitar bridge mixed with Louise’s strong, powerful voice. She was standing on one of the boxes again, one hand holding onto her microphone stand, the other holding her microphone.  
    The huge screens at the back of the stage showed her and the others alternately in a fast sequence of images, so at first he thought the closing of Louise’s eyes was merely an illusion caused by the camera movement. But when he saw her legs giving way underneath her, causing her to tumble off the stage and into the media pit in front of it, he knew it had not been an illusion.

    Throwing the plastic cup with his beer away, Tom ran down the stairs towards the exit. His heart was racing and, ignoring the shouts from Mark, Chris, and whoever else was following him, he ran straight to the side entrance of the stage, which seemed to be further away than it had before.  
    The music inside the arena had stopped by now and it was silent all around. Not a single shout could be heard as Henry, Paul, and George jumped off stage themselves, followed by some guys from the crew.

    “Get out of the way, that’s my fiancée!,” Tom shouted at one of the security guards and pushed the man away before he ran into the arena, past the photographers, past the fans. He only thought of Louise and when he saw her lying on the ground, her arm twisted in a weird angle off her body, a trickle of blood running down the side of her face, he felt sick.  
    He knelt beside her, her brothers and bandmates already there, while securities and a few from the crew tried to shield them off from the gaping crowd. Whispers could be heard from the fans. A few cried, but in general everybody seemed to merely hold their breath, waiting for a vital sign from the young woman on the floor.  
    “Sir, please move out of the way...Sir? Please let us through!” Tom looked up, confused. A paramedic stood next to him, asking him to make room so he and his colleagues could treat Louise. With the help of Olly he obeyed and moved to the side. “What happened?,” he whispered, frightened and still with an enormous sickness in his stomach area. Olly only shook his head. He did not know. Louise had told no one of her stomach pains, so nobody could tell the paramedics. Maybe that would have spared them a lot of pain. But then, maybe not.

 

    Strapping her onto the stretcher was a matter of seconds after the initial examination of her vital signs. Still shielded by a few securities and crew members, Louise was carried out of the crowded arena shortly after, with Tom, Olly, Henry, George, and Paul following right behind. A few fans shouted questions regarding her condition but most of them were still in shock, especially those in the first few rows, who had witnessed her fall from such a close distance.

Mark and Chris were having an argument with one of the securities in front of the arena’s ground floor entrances when the paramedics appeared, followed by the others. Immediately, they went up to Tom.  
    “Hey, what happened? Is she okay? What’s going on?” They both looked at him, worried as hell. He shook his head.  
    “I...I don’t know. Her arm looks like it’s broken and...and there was blood on her face and...God, I don’t know.” He had gotten louder, simply out of despair and buried his hands in his face for a second before letting them run through his hair, tears welling up in his eyes. “I’ll go to hospital with her. I’ll text you, okay?,” he looked at his friends who nodded understandingly.  
    “Keep us posted, okay? And if there’s anything we can do, let us know,” Mark said and squeezed his shoulder before Tom followed the others outside to the ambulance.

 

    They were forced to wait in front of the accidents and emergencies department while doctors took care of Louise. Waiting truly took it out of them. Nobody knew what had happened, nobody knew what was wrong.  
    She had seemed to be fine all day. She had eaten alright, had had enough to drink and in general everything seemed as good as every other day. Until she fell off stage.  
Tom was pacing up and down the little corridor like a tiger waiting to be let out of his cage.  
   

    “Tom? Could you please stop that?,” Paul mumbled, his cheeks still wet with tears. This was not only his bandmate in there, it was his little sister, if only younger by a couple of minutes. The big, protective brother inside of him wanted to burst through that door and run to her side, but the responsible, reasonable one inside of him had decided it was better to remain where he was. Looking up at George and Henry, he could see they felt the same way. Nobody cared about the show, nobody cared about the fans. The only one that mattered was the cheerful, talented young woman in their midst.

    “Sorry,” Tom mumbled and stopped next to one of the windows overlooking the adjacent hospital building. They were all made of dark, red bricks and, together with the streetlamps littered across the hospital grounds, they created a rather spooky atmosphere and not at all a comforting one as you would expect from a hospital. But maybe he just did not want to see the beauty of the place given that they were in the A&E department, waiting for any news concerning Louise’s health.

 

    A few hours passed until a doctor finally stepped out of the metal swinging doors and walked towards them. “Gentlemen,” he greeted them with a serious expression on his face before taking off his wire-rimmed glasses, “we managed to finally stabilise Ms Norfolk. Her left shoulder was dislocated and she sprained her left wrist while also suffering from a cerebral concussion, but this will heal in no time. What worried us more, were the internal bleedings but we finally managed to stop these as well, even though it took us a bit to find the source of these.”  
    Five pairs of eyes looked at him, not sure whether they had understood him correctly. “Did the fall cause these internal bleedings?,” George asked, almost whispering, but the physician shook his head in reply.

 

    “No, it didn’t. Ms Norfolk had an ectopic pregnancy in an advanced stage. If she had gotten here a little later, she might have died.”


	2. Please don't leave me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer...
> 
> and still dealing with loss of a child/miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy although this chapter contains a bit more fluff than the last one...

**2\. Please don’t leave me**

    Tom felt like somebody had just slapped him right across the face. Louise had been pregnant? And it was exactly this pregnancy gone wrong that had caused her to nearly die? He felt his knees go weak and lowered himself onto the floor, leaning onto the cold stone wall. Hundreds and thousands of thoughts were racing through his head, forcing him to close his eyes with his hands pressed against his temples.

    Hot tears ran down his cheeks and while he was still worrying about his fiancée, in this moment he also mourned for their dead offspring, who, at this point in their lives, was obviously just not meant to be.

    He felt a hand on his shoulder but could not be bothered to look up. Somebody, or rather several somebodies, knelt down next to him and within seconds he found himself in the arms of Henry, George, and Paul, who tried to comfort him in this moment of grief.

    Was it ridiculous to mourn for a bunch of cells, which, at this stage, did not even look remotely close to a living, breathing human being? He was not even sure whether he mourned for this particular bunch of cells or rather for the mere possibility of having a baby. He was no expert in ectopic pregnancies but if something caused life-threatening internal bleedings, it definitely sounded as if one would not want to repeat this by any means.

   

    “God, I’m sorry guys,” he mumbled after a while, trying to pull himself together. “It’s your sister and friend, too. I guess this just totally took me by surprise.” He looked at the three, apologetically, and wiped his tears away with the back of his hand, before they all got up from the floor.  
    “The doctor said you could go in now,” Olly said quietly, looking at the younger ones.  
    “You go first, Tom. Tell her, we’ll come and see her tomorrow morning. I’m sure all of us in one room would be too much for her now and you...I guess you have things to talk about,” George mumbled while Henry and Paul nodded in confirmation.  
    “Thanks,” he replied. “I’ll text you later if you want to.” They said their goodbyes before Tom was led to Louise’s room by a nurse.

 

    She was still anaesthetised so he took one of the chairs and simply sat next to her bed, holding her hand and stroking it gently. He wanted to say something, speak to her, but there were simply no words for what he felt in that moment. She looked so fragile and vulnerable and again the images from earlier popped into his head; how she lay on that cold floor, bleeding, injured, unconscious.

    “I wish there was anything I could do to make it better, Lou,” he whispered and kissed the back of her hand. Her other was bandaged and lay in a sling across her upper body.  
    Slowly and regularly, he could see her chest rise and fall even though he could not hear her breathe as the machines monitoring her vital functions emitted a regular beeping sound, which filled the silence in the room.

    A slight knock on the door caused him to look up from her.  
    “Yes?,” he replied, waiting for whoever it was that wanted to see Lou now. A young nurse, maybe in her mid-twenties, entered the room a little shyly.  
    “Mr Hiddleston, would you like a second bed to be brought into the room?,” she asked quietly, fiddling with her hands.  
    “Um, no, thanks...oh well, maybe yes. I don’t know. Am I allowed to stay for the night?” His answer was a little confused and he apologised immediately. “I’m sorry, the events of this evening were a bit too much for me, I’m afraid.” His interlocutor smiled, understandingly.  
    “Don’t worry, Mr Hiddleston. And yes, of course you can stay the night.” She hesitated. “Shall we bring the bed in then?” A strand of her hair fell out of her ponytail and she quickly pushed it behind her ear, hoping he did not notice how nervous she was in his presence. It did not happen very often that famous people were patients at the hospital, and even though she did feel sorry for Louise, she was also glad about having Tom Hiddleston as a visitor.

    “Please call me Tom,” he smiled a little. “Mr Hiddleston makes me feel so old. And yes, a second bed would be great, thank you very much.” She nodded, shyly and turned back towards the door. “Oh and do you know by any chance when she might wake up?,” he added quietly and looked back at Louise. The nurse turned back around and replied,  
    “I’m sorry, I don’t. But I could call a doctor for you, if you liked.” He contemplated this suggestion for a moment before he said,  
    “No, don’t worry. I’m sure she needs time to rest. Thank you.” Again she nodded and quietly she left the room.

    A second bed was brought into the room shortly after, before the two of them were finally left alone for good. The doctor would not be back before the morning and until then it was only him and Louise and the constant beeping of the machines.

    Carefully he took her right hand and settled down onto the bed next to her. He did not want to hurt her but he could not leave her side either, as grateful as he was for the second bed. He rested his head right next to hers, even though it meant that his feet were dangling off the bed, but he could not care less about that. All he cared about was the woman next to him, and whatever it took to make her feel better, he was more than ready to do it for her.

 

    It was almost 4 am when Louise finally woke up. It was dark in the room except for a little emergency light next to her bed. Her head was throbbing and so was her arm and lower abdomen. For a short moment she wondered where she was when realisation hit her like a wave.

Slowly she turned her head, looking right into Tom’s eyes.  
    “What happened?,” she whispered and her voice sounded croaky and hoarse.  
    “You became unconscious on stage and fell off into the media pit,” he whispered in return. “You’ve got a concussion and a sprained wrist and...” He stopped, not knowing whether the news of her failed pregnancy would upset her too much.  
    “And what?,” she asked. “Tom, what else? Tell me...please.” Her hazel eyes looked at him, pleading. Gently, he took her right hand and breathed a kiss onto it, before he quietly replied,

    “You had an ectopic pregnancy, Lou. You nearly died because of your internal bleedings.” He could feel tears welling up in his eyes again, just thinking about how close he had been to losing her.  
Louise looked back up at the ceiling even though she could not see much of it in the dark.  
    “I thought it was just my usual menstrual cramps,” she whispered and the first tear rolled down her cheek. “I...I didn’t know...,” she broke off and closed her eyes as more tears flowed over her skin and little sobs refrained her from speaking.  
    “Shh,” he mumbled, carefully kissing her cheek while his tears mingled with hers on her soft, olive skin.

    “I am so sorry,” she breathed after a while but Tom’s finger stopped her from speaking any further.  
    “Louise, don’t. This was not your fault, you couldn’t have known,” he whispered and hesitated for a moment before he continued just as quietly, “There will be other opportunities for us. The only thing that matters now, is that you are alive. That you are still here, here with me.” He gently kissed her temple. “I wouldn’t know what to do without you in my life. I love you so much, my darling. You and me, we’ll get through this. We’ll be fine. I promise.”  
   

    “Don’t ever leave me, please,” she replied, almost inaudibly while more tears found their way from her eyes over her cheeks.  
    “Never!”


	3. Richmond Park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer...
> 
> and thanks so much for reading it, means a lot =)

**3\. Richmond Park**

    Slowly, Louise got up from the sofa and turned the television off. Four weeks had passed since her accident in Berlin and, even though her physical injuries had pretty much healed, deep inside she still did not feel like her usual old self. She felt guilty for having caused so much trouble, guilty because she had not taken care of her own body enough, or so she thought at least.  
    Of course Tom and the others did their best to cheer her up. Next to the TV lay a huge pile of DVDs, films and live concerts alike, for her to watch now that her head was getting better but she was sick of it. Sick of sitting at home, doing nothing, waiting for everything to fall back into place.

    It was not that easy, she knew that. Things would not simply go back to normal, not after something like this. She nearly died. She lost a baby, which she did not even know about. They took out one of her fallopian tubes, and even though this did not necessarily weaken her chances of becoming pregnant again, it scared the life out of her. What if it happened again?

    Sighing, she bound her hair up in a ponytail before she slowly walked to the kitchen. Tom would be home soon and he had promised to cook for the both of them.  
    Still, she opened the fridge and looked inside. It was packed with vegetables of all sorts, besides the usual dairy and meat products, and she picked a strawberry yoghurt even though she was not even particularly hungry. But she had already left out breakfast so it was about time for her to get some food into her empty, grumbling stomach.

    Taking a spoon and her yoghurt, she walked to the huge, ceiling-high panorama window which led onto their roof terrace. Slowly, she opened the glass door and stepped outside. It was sunny and warm, despite the light breeze up here, and with careful steps she moved towards the banister.  
A little further down the Thames she could see Battersea Power Station while in the other direction Big Ben gleamed in the distance. She loved the view they had of London, and even more so when the sun dipped everything into a golden light like now.

    For a moment she closed her eyes and listened to the noises that the wind brought up. Cars honked in the distance, trains rattled on the tracks, and construction noises filled the streets far down at the foot of the building.  
    Looking down, she wondered how long it might take until one hit the ground. Five seconds or maybe ten? Would it hurt or would it be over way too quickly?  
She shook her head. She should not even think about it, not after what happened to her back in Berlin. But maybe that was exactly why she did? Taking a deep breath, she lay down on their hammock and started eating her yoghurt, when she heard the front door opening.

 

    “Lou?,” Tom called before he dropped something, his phone she presumed, cursing silently and closing the door with a rather loud bang. Sorry neighbours.  
    “I’m out here,” she replied and shoved another spoonful of strawberry yoghurt into her mouth, closing her eyes and relishing the fruity taste of it. She could hear Tom’s heavy footsteps on the wooden floor and opened her eyes again.

    “Hey,” he smiled and bent down to kiss her gently on the lips. “Mhmm, you taste of strawberries,” he added, grinning before straightening up again.  
    “Blame the yoghurt,” she winked and scratched the last bit of it out of the plastic cup before licking it off the spoon.  
    “Will do,” Tom replied and sat down on the hammock, after gently lifting up her legs, which now lay across his lap. “How was your morning? How are you feeling?” He gently stroked along her legs and looked at her, expectantly.  
   

    “Boring and bored,” she sighed. “I’m sorry, I really don’t want to moan about everything, but sitting here all day long, doing nothing, really wears me out. I’m sick of reading and watching TV. I want to go back on tour and knowing that I’m not able to do so yet annoys me even more. I just feel so useless.” She put her empty yoghurt cup and the spoon down on the floor next to the hammock before looking at Tom, apologetically. It was not fair to bother him with her complaints, given how much he had already done and still did for her.  
   

    “I’m sorry,” she said again when she saw the sad, compassionate expression in his bright, blue eyes.  
    "No, don't worry, Lou. I know exactly what you mean but...you have to allow your body to heal properly," he replied and gently took her hand in his, stroking over its back with his thumb. "I tell you what, I've got a couple of days off now. And as long as it's not too exhausting for you, we'll do whatever you want. Deal?"  
She smiled at him, thankfully.  
    "Deal," she said and quickly added, "You're the best, Tom!" Carefully, she pulled him next to her on the hammock and snuggled into him, placing a kiss on his cheek.  
    "I'd do everything for you, you know that," he whispered and looked at her, lovingly while he carefully placed his arms around her.  
"I know," she breathed. "And I wouldn't know what to do without you."

 

    Smiling she closed her eyes for a moment after she had gotten out of the car. They had driven down to Richmond Park to make use of the splendid summer day and Tom had just brought the car to a halt on the parking lot. After getting out himself, he walked to the boot and took their picnic basket and blanket out before locking the car. He stretched his hand out to Louise and she took it gladly, smiling at him.  
   

    Slowly, they walked down the gravelled path deeper into the park, all the while looking for the perfect spot for their picnic. After a while, they chose a patch of grass next to one of the two larger ponds in the centre of the park and, setting down the basket first, Tom laid out the blanket for them.  
    “This is beautiful,” Louise sighed happily and sat down before letting her gaze wander over the surrounding landscape. With a smile, Tom sat down next to her and breathed a kiss into her neck.  
    “I’m glad you like it,” he said and he started unpacking the basket until almost half of the blanket was covered with food of all sorts.  
   

    “Who is supposed to eat all of that?,” Louise laughed. “Are you expecting anyone else?,” she grinned, looking at Tom.  
    “Well,...I’m hungry,” he mumbled while he a blushed a little and he looked at her shyly.  
    “Did I ever tell you that you are even more adorable when you are embarrassed?,” she whispered, lovingly and she leaned in to kiss him softly. He smiled into the kiss, letting his hand slip into her neck, pulling her a little closer to himself. Gently, he nibbled on her bottom lip while stroking her skin with his thumb, causing her to sigh quietly into their kiss.

    He missed their intimacy but he knew they would have to wait a little more in order for her physical wounds to heal entirely. Those on her heart and soul would probably take much longer to heal, if at all.

    Slightly out of breath, she looked at him a little later, a smile on her carmine lips that reached all the way up to her eyes. This was probably the first time since the   accident that she looked truly happy again. Slowly, he let his hand glide from her neck to her cheek, caressing her soft skin while his thumb traced the contours of her slightly parted, luscious lips.

    Her hazel eyes were shining brightly and her long, curly hair shimmered in all shades of brown in the sun. Her dark blue summer dress accentuated her slightly tanned skin and her voluptuous curves in all the right places. Slowly, he let his fingertips run along her arm before he gently took her hand in his and breathed a kiss on the back of it.

    The rumbling of his tummy interrupted their romantic moment and Tom blushed, dropping his gaze. Louise laughed quietly and picked one of the apricots, removed the stone and offered it to him with a loving expression in her eyes.  
    “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, still embarrassed, before he ate the juicy fruit, giving her a peck on the cheek afterwards.  
    “Don’t worry,” she grinned and ate one herself, relishing the sweetness of it.

 

    It tasted of summer and freedom, of a place far away from the pain of the last weeks.  
    The itching of the scar just below her navel reminded her of it every once in a while. The dark thoughts late at night kept her awake, fed her doubts and fears.The long hours at home alone gave her too much room to think and worry. Moments like these - in the sunshine, in a park, with Tom - kept her going, reminded her of all the good things in her life.  
    They ate, silently, enjoying the warmth of the sun on their skin, the cries of birds fluttering around, and the rustling of the summer breeze through the treetops around them.

 

    Taking off his shirt, Tom lay down on the blanket after they had finished eating and he had put the rest of the food back into the basket. Despite the good weather, not many people were around and he enjoyed the peace and quiet.  
    He smiled when Louise lay down next to him, resting her head on his chest and drawing invisible patterns on his tummy with the tip of her index finger. It circled around his navel, down towards the waistband of his jeans, up again to his chest, where she left it. Her slender fingers rested on his skin, feeling his heartbeat underneath and she closed her eyes, smiling.

    Carefully, he let his hand glide along her arm while the other was slung around her waist. Her skin was soft and warm from the sun. Her hair, spread out over her back and his arm, smelled of peaches and he breathed a kiss on top of her head.  
    “Let’s just stay here forever,” she mumbled with a smile on her lips. He chuckled lightly.  
    “Don’t you think it might get a bit cold in the night?,” he whispered in reply.  
    “Well, you could keep me warm,” she grinned and looked up at him seductively. He bit his lip to suppress a sigh. Did she know what she could do to him, looking at him like this?

    Slowly, he turned them over a bit, with Louise now laying on her back, he hovering over her.  
    “And how would I do that?,” he whispered, letting his hand glide along her waist down to her thigh, where he gently pushed it underneath the fabric of her dress.  
    “I’m sure you could come up with a few ideas,” she smiled and, with her hand in his neck, she gently pulled him towards her, her lips finding his, her tongue softly circling his, causing him to sigh into the kiss.

    His hand moved up her thigh before he tugged gently on her panties, all the while intensifying the kiss.  
    “Tom,” she whispered and put her hand on his arm, stopping him in his movement. He looked at her, apologetically, realising what he was just about to do.  
    “Sorry,” he mumbled and rolled off her, lying on his back and staring up into the blue sky, while Louise next to him adjusted her dress.

She sat up, looking at him, trying to discern what went through his mind right now.  
    “Tom?,” she mumbled, a little insecurely.  
    “Mh?,” he replied without taking his eyes of some birds circling the sky in a flurry.  
    “I’m sorry,” Louise continued quietly, causing him to look at her, questioningly.  
    “What for?,” he asked and sat up himself.  
    “For pushing you away,” she whispered, not looking at him directly but staring past his head at nothing in particular. “It’s just too early still.”  
He sighed and gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.  
    “That’s nothing to be sorry for, darling. I should be sorry, for...well, trying all the time. I know it’s too early for that but...,” he hesitated for a moment, a little embarrassed. “I’m just a man and, god, you look divine in this dress and whenever you are near me, I can barely restrain myself.” He blushed a little and dropped his gaze.

 

    “It’s not just the physical pain and wounds, Tom,” she whispered, barely audible and he looked back up at her. Tears were forming in her hazel eyes and he gently cupped her cheek with his hand.  
    “What else, honey?,” he asked quietly and moved a little closer to her, his thumb stroking her skin now wet from the falling tears.  
    “I’m scared. I’m so scared this will happen again. I’m scared they will have to take out the other fallopian tube as well and what then? I’d never be able to have children of my own.” She was crying and sobbing uncontrollably now, her whole body shaking while she tried to calm down and concentrate on her breathing.

    “Oh honey,” he whispered, a little helpless and pulled her onto his lap, his strong arms around her, gently stroking along her back. “Please don’t be scared. We will be more careful and if you want to, we can go and see a specialist. Somebody who could, you know, help us, give us tips on what to do to avoid this from happening again. We’ll find a way, I’m sure. Please don’t be scared,” he mumbled into her hair, gently rocking her in his arms, while she slowly calmed down.

    Her cheeks were still a bit wet and flushed, her eyes slightly red and she had a hiccup from crying. Burying her face into the crook of his neck, her arm found its way around his neck, clinging onto him. He was her rock, her haven, the one constant that remained steady and reliable when everything else seemed to crumble beneath her feet.


	4. On The High Seas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usual disclaimer...

**4\. On the high seas**

    As quietly as possible, Louise slipped out of the bed, closed the bedroom door behind her and tiptoed downstairs into the kitchen. Outside the sun was already shining brightly, promising another warm summer day they could spend out of doors.

    Humming along to a song on the radio, she prepared a full English breakfast for the both of them while the coffee was brewing, filling the open space with its delicious smell. Adding some freshly pressed orange juice, she loaded everything on a tray and silently walked back upstairs, trying not to spill anything in the process.

    Tom was still fast asleep, his long limbs occupying the whole bed now that he was alone in it. He was lying on his stomach, pillow scrunched up under his face, with his lips slightly parted and his shorter, ginger hair building a stark contrast against the white bed linen.  
Smiling, she set down the tray on the wooden chest at the end of the bed before she carefully climbed onto the mattress. He stirred slightly as she left tiny kisses along his back all the way down to his pyjama bottoms and back up again to his neck.

    “5 more minutes,” he mumbled, eyes still closed.  
    “But breakfast is getting cold,” she whispered with a smile and kissed his earlobe.  
    “That’s a lie, you’re always hot,” he grinned now and slowly opened his left eye that was not squished against the pillow.  
Rolling her eyes with a grin herself, Louise lay down next to him, her face directly in front of his. His breath tickled her skin and slowly she let her finger run along his chin and jaw, down his neck and along his arm. Repositioning his head a little, he now opened both eyes and looked at her fully, a smile on his thin lips.

    “Good morning, beautiful,” he breathed and gently pulled her a little closer.  
    “Good morning, handsome,” she replied just as quietly and pressed her lips ever so softly against his, while she snaked her arm around his waist.  
    “I would love to be woken up like this every single morning for the rest of my life, please,” he grinned after the kiss, while letting his hand run through her long hair and down her back.

    “No promises, but I’ll see what I can do,” she answered with a smirk and, giving him another peck on the lips, she sat up and crawled to the foot of the bed to retrieve the tray with their breakfast. Tom now sat up himself and propped their pillows against the headboard before he helped Louise with the tray so she could sit down next to him.  
    “This looks delicious, thank you so much, darling,” he smiled at her lovingly and lifted the cup of coffee to his lips, carefully taking a sip.

 

    They took their time with eating their breakfast. They still had no plans for the day and both did not intend to rush things while they could enjoy the luxury of having a day off together. Placing the now empty plates and tray on the floor next to the bed quite a while later, he sat back up, putting his arm around his fiancée’s shoulder wherefore she leaned her head against his chest.

    “What would you like to do today?,” he mumbled and pressed a gentle kiss on her temple.  
    “I don’t know,” Louise replied quietly. “We could go to a museum or maybe we can get tickets for a play at The Globe. I think they’re showing ‘As you like it’ again,” she suggested and looked up into his face.  
    “The Globe sounds fantastic,” he smiled enthusiastically and softly kissed her nose. “We might be able to get tickets for a matinée performance and later tonight we could go to The National Portrait Gallery.” He knew how much she loved wandering through the rooms of the gallery, looking at portraits of Britain’s poets, kings, queens, scientists, politicians and many more. With a happy grin on her face, she grabbed his phone and had a look at the homepage of the theatre to order tickets.

 

    “They’re showing ‘Henry V’ tomorrow,” she mumbled with a smirk while she bought two tickets for the matinée of ‘As you like it’ later that day.  
    “The BBC is showing ‘Henry V’ in July and I heard that the actor playing the king is extreeeemely good looking,” he grinned and gently pinched her side, making her squeal.  
    “Well, I heard that he is really boring and not sexy at all.” Putting the phone back onto the night table and trying not to laugh, she looked back up at him, his face now wearing an expression of shock.  
    “Boring and not sexy at all, huh? Ts, they have no idea,” he replied with fake arrogance, causing both of them to laugh instantly.  
    “No, they really don’t,” Louise grinned and softly kissed the side of his neck before she added, “Because you are sexy as hell, my love.”  
    “Tell me more,” he mumbled with a grin but before she could say anything else, his lips had found hers again and they melted into a passionate kiss.

 

    While Tom had a shower a little later, Louise cleaned up in the kitchen, got dressed and quickly checked her emails. She had answered all of her fan mail the previous night but the inbox of her band email address was overflowing again.  
    Most of the writers simply wished her a speedy recovery and hoped they would resume their interrupted tour in the near future. Others sent in questions concerning their next single, the possibility of a live DVD or additional gigs at festivals in the following months.  
    She loved the contact with the fans and always took her time to answer every single question as best as she could. Deciding that she would answer those emails later in the day, she logged out and went on to check her private mails.

    There were only a few in the inbox. One was from Ben, enquiring about her health, and one from Julie, inviting her and Tom to a barbecue the following weekend. She made a mental note to ask him about this later.  
    The last email was from Olly and it was not only addressed to her but also to Henry, George, and Paul. It concerned an enquiry of the Great Ormond Street Hospital. Those responsible there hoped to be able to win the four of them for an afternoon at the infirmary for the terminally ill where they would play a short gig for those children which were bound to stay at the hospital.

    Louise answered Olly’s email quickly, giving him her full consent, when Tom came walking down the stairs. His hair was still wet and he was busy buttoning up his shirt. She closed her laptop and leaned onto the cooking island, whistling at Tom which caused him to look at her with a huge grin. Swaying his hips inordinately, he walked over to her and kissed her shortly but ardently.

    “Are you ready to go?,” he asked her afterwards, the grin still plastered to his face, causing her to simply shake her head with a smile.  
    “As ready as I’ll ever be,” she replied laughing and, grabbing her bag and a cardigan, she followed him out of the door. As they still had plenty of time before the play would start, they took a bus to Battersea Park and went for a stroll.

 

    Again, it being a normal working day, the park was relatively empty and, hands intertwined, they walked along the numerous paths before Tom decided he wanted to rent one of the paddle boats for the both of them.  
    Carefully, he helped her climb into the wooden boat before he followed her and pushed the vessel off the jetty. With long strokes, he rowed the boat into the middle of the large pond, away from the shore and curious onlookers, while Louise leaned back onto the seat and closed her eyes, enjoying the sunshine on her skin.

    Birds could be heard chirping in the distance, accompanied by the rustling of leaves from the trees around them. Children were shouting and playing on the shore, dogs were barking at ducks in the water or invisible monsters in the bushes.  
    It was moments like these that reminded Louise of her normal life, her life outside the band where she was simply Louise and not ‘the singer of The Chase’ and where Tom was simply Tom and not ‘the guy who played Loki’.  
    She relished those moments more than anything and even more so since their rather difficult time in the previous year.

    Opening her eyes, she watched Tom with a smile. The muscles on his arms were showing underneath his shirt with every stroke and his tongue stuck out a bit from between his lips, proving that he was rather focused on what he was doing. When he was satisfied with their position, he fastened the paddles on the side of the boat and looked around with a happy sigh.  
    His long legs were stretched out on either side of Louise’s and she gently nudged him with her foot, causing him to look at her.

    “So Captain, what are your orders for further proceedings now that we are out here on the high seas?,” she asked with a grin and sat up straight.  
    “Well, first of all, I need a kiss from my first mate,” he replied with affected gravity.  
    “Oh is that so?” Louise laughed quietly before she carefully moved closer to him, kneeling in front of his seat and kissing him gently. “And what else?,” she whispered against his lips.  
    “I think one might not be enough actually,” he breathed and let his arms glide around her body.  
She smiled, biting her lip in the process, before she kissed him again, longer and more intimate this time, her arms twining around his neck.


	5. As you like it...or not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> usual disclaimer...

**5\. As you like it...or not**

   With a smile plastered to her face, Louise watched the performance, never averting her eyes from the actors on stage. She loved ‘As You Like It’ and had even written her bachelor thesis at Cambridge about it.  
    Despite having seen the same group of actors perform this play at The Globe in the previous year already, she was totally enthralled by their rendition of Shakespeare’s comedy.

    Quietly mumbling along to Jaques’ monologue, whose first two lines ‘All the world’s a stage, / And all the men and women merely players’ were etched under her skin on her left ribcage, she was unaware of Tom’s eyes on her. He watched her with a loving expression, his right hand intertwined with her left on his lap, slowly stroking the back of it with his thumb.  
    As the act ended and a break was announced, she turned towards him, eyes gleaming with happiness.  
    “God, this is so fantastic,” she smiled and looked back at the stage shortly. “I hope you’re enjoying yourself as well,” she added with a questioning look in Tom’s direction.  
    “Of course I do, darling. It’s Shakespeare, how could I not?,” he winked when a young girl interrupted them with a shy smile.

    “Excuse me,... are you Louise from The Chase?” She fumbled nervously with a pen and piece of paper while standing a few feet away from the both of them. With a friendly smile, Louise turned towards her.  
    “Actually I am, yes.” The face of the girl lit up even more.  
    “Would you mind signing this for me, please? I’m a huge fan of yours! And I just got your new single for my birthday last week but I didn’t bring it because I didn’t know you’d be here,” she blurted out, holding out the pen and paper to her idol with shaking hands.  
    “Oh thank you so much. I’m glad you like our music,” Louise smiled broadly and signed the back of the girl’s theatre ticket, which she had handed her. “What’s your name, sweetie?” She looked at the girl, still smiling, hoping it would calm her a bit as she was obviously truly nervous.  
    “My name is Isabella,” she answered and watched Louise writing something else on the ticket. ‘To the wonderful Isabella! Lots of love and thank you for being our fan!xx’ it read and she handed it back to the young girl.  
    “Do you have a camera with you? We could take a photo together if you wanted to,” the young woman suggested, causing Isabella to nod eagerly.  
    “My mum’s got one,” she answered and pointed to a woman a few rows up, who looked a bit embarrassed now that the attention was on her.  
    “Well, let’s say hi to your mum then,” Louise winked, got up and walked up the steps to meet Isabella’s mother. After a few cordialities, she posed with her young fan and gave her a thank you hug before they said their goodbyes and she returned to Tom’s side who was equally busy signing a few autographs.

 

    They did not mind the attention as everybody had left them pretty much alone as soon as the play had started earlier on and they were used to being recognised when they were out either together or on their own. It was part of their job and most of their fans were lovely and friendly.  
And to be honest, would she ever have met Ringo Starr on the street, her personal idol, Louise would have walked up to him herself, asking for an autograph and a photo.  
    “Let me do that,” she offered with a smile as a young girl struggled to hold her phone while trying to take a photo of Tom and herself with it.  
With Louise being the photographer now, Tom smiled widely, his arm around the young girl’s shoulder, her eyes shining with happiness. She thanked both profoundly before leaving them alone again as the interval was over and the play on stage resumed.  
    Kissing her gently on the temple, Tom’s hand found hers again and together they enjoyed the rest of the play on this bright, sunny summer’s day.

    It was already getting dark when they both left the National Portrait Gallery, which they had visited after seeing the Shakespeare play at The Globe.  
Snuggling closer to each other, they made their way down Whitehall to the Houses of Parliament. It was still relatively warm and a walk along the Thames while the city started to slow down a bit was always a wonderful thing to do.

    Walking past Westminster tube station, Tom accepted an Evening Standard from a young lad and flicked through it briefly while they kept on strolling along the pavement past the Government's building.

Upon hearing him cursing quietly, Louise looked at him quizzically.  
    "What's wrong?," she mumbled and snaked her arm around his waist, trying to get a glimpse of what he was reading.  
‘Abortion! What the German hospitalisation really was for’ it read in bold letters on the top of the page, right above a photo of Tom and Louise leaving the hospital in Berlin.  
    Taking away the paper from Tom, she quickly scanned the article. They had not told neither the press nor the fans about the real reason why she had collapsed on stage and had instead merely asked for their privacy to be respected. The loss of their baby at such an early stage of pregnancy and under these circumstances was not something they wanted to have to discuss with the rest of the nation.

    And now they had no other choice. She simply could and would not let the accusation stand that she had gotten an abortion. Withdrawing her mobile from her bag, she saw 15 missed calls and a number of text and voicemail messages from her various family and crew members.  
Tom had taken the newspaper again and read the article for a second time. He was fuming, she could see it in his eyes. They always turned a shade darker when he was seriously angry.  
    They remained quiet for the rest of the walk home, both lost in their own thoughts, both still ignoring their vibrating mobile phones.

    "Give me a minute, please," he mumbled after they had entered their flat and went upstairs. Keeping his private life as far away from the public as possible was a priority for Tom, always had been.  
That there were people out there who now intruded into that, made him angry beyond measurement.

    Pacing the bedroom, he let his hands glide through his hair, trying to calm down and settle his thoughts. There was no point discussing further steps while he was still fuming. A quiet knock on the door interrupted his strides and he watched it being opened.  
    "Can I come in?," Louise asked quietly and entered the bedroom after Tom's nodded approval. Walking over, she snuggled up to him and immediately he relaxed a bit. His arms snaked around her waist and softly he kissed her forehead.  
    "I'm so sorry, Lou," he whispered and stroked along her back, while she merely shook her head.  
    "We should have guessed they wouldn't leave us be," she mumbled against his shirt. "I'll let Jonas issue a statement. He already called me about it and sent a draft. Maybe Luke wants to use the same," she added and looked up at him.  
    "Sounds like a good idea," Tom agreed and softly kissed her nose, which made her smile a little.  
Louise dreaded opening her band email inbox already. She might wait until Jonas, the bands PR manager, had issued the statement even though she knew it would not delete those emails that had already been sent to her.

    Experience in the past had taught her that as easy as it was to send a lovely message, it was also easy to send one of hate.  
When she and Tom had made their relationship public almost two years after their first date, lots of their fans had been lovely and encouraging about it.  
But the growing popularity of social network services like facebook and twitter seemed to let some people believe that a short, hateful message could be excused with the anonymity provided by the internet.  
    In the end, it was still a human being who received this message, who read it, and who was hurt by its content.  
Of course, after a while they had both learned to deal with it a bit better but that did not mean they liked it more.

    Letting go of Tom, Louise checked the rest of her voicemails, most of which were from her brothers, who were as furious as she was. She sent them all a quick message, saying she and Tom would respond to the accusations appropriately, before they both went downstairs.

    Jonas and Luke arrived at their place not long after and the four of them discussed the next steps that had to be taken. Amidst all of it, Louise and Tom still wanted to protect as much of their private life as possible so they decided on the official statement. No interviews, no sueing of the paper, at least not yet.

    "Thanks so much, you two," Louise smiled thankfully and hugged them both as they prepared for their departure. "Not at all," Jonas replied reassuringly. "We'll keep you posted! Talk to you soon," he added before he left the apartment together with Luke.  
    "They'd make a cute couple," Tom mumbled with a smirk as his fiancée closed the door.  
    "And I just thought exactly the same," she grinned and walked back into the kitchen. It was late and, due to the unforeseen chaos, they had not eaten yet.

Gently, he slipped his arms around her and kissed her softly on the temple. His long, slender fingers rested on her stomach just above her navel as not to touch her still tender scar.  
    "Are you okay?," he whispered, audible worry in his voice. He could feel her nodding against his chin.  
    "And you?," she whispered and his reply was a nod in return. Even though it would not be easy the next few days, maybe even weeks, he knew they would get through this together. One day they could leave it all behind and move on, to a new and brighter future.


	6. Under the night sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> same disclaimer as usual...

**6\. Under the night sky**

    “Louise! Louise, what do you say to the claims that you had an abortion? Louise!?!”

    Pushing through the crowd of photographers and journalists, Louise tried to make her way out of their apartment complex while the commissionaire was busy shoving them out of the lobby at the same time.  
She kept her head down, one hand held up, trying to protect her face from the pushing men who kept on taking photo after photo which would likely end up on one of the tabloids front pages either later that day or the following morning.She wished then that she had accepted Olly’s offer of sending a bodyguard over to pick her up but stubborn as she was, she had refused and now had to deal with the consequences.  
    They were like a hungry pack of wolves, chasing her, grabbing her clothes, tearing her privacy to pieces. They did not care about somebody’s emotions. Anything that would sell was worth their time and effort. And a successful, young couple accused of murdering their child through abortion was easy prey for them and their bosses.

    The official statement regarding the accusations had been released on Tom’s and The Chase’s respective homepages and twitter accounts earlier that day. However, Louise had refrained from checking for any reactions to it so far and her email account was also still untouched since the last day’s morning.

    Now she was on her way to meet with the rest of the band as they still had to figure out when to resume their tour, which had been interrupted by Louise’s accident. Her mind was elsewhere, though.

    _As quietly as possible she tiptoed out of the room and down the cantilevered wooden steps into the open plan kitchen and dining area where the old station clock’s hand moved closer to three o’clock. Realising she did not bring a cardigan, she grabbed one of the blankets from the living room, before she stepped out onto the roof terrace. It was not exactly cold, merely a bit chilly, but she pulled the blanket closer around her just for comfort as she stepped towards the banister. Even though it was the middle of the night, London was brightly lit. Buses were still rolling along the streets, the occasional car and motorcycle could be seen and heard and the huge clock covering Big Ben shone golden in the distance. Closing her eyes, Louise inhaled deeply._  
 _What a day it had been. So promising and lovely in the morning, so shattered and spoiled in the evening. She already dreaded the next few days and weeks. The press and the public could be so vile and cruel and judgemental, she knew that._

_She turned, surprised, as she heard silent footsteps behind her. Tom looked at her with a sleepy and somewhat sad smile, his hair ruffled and sticking out to all sides. His dark blue boxers were crumpled and he had not even bothered to put on a shirt before he had joined her outside. They were so high up, nobody could take photos of them here anyway without using a helicopter._

_“Did I wake you up?,” she asked with a guilty expression on her face but he merely shook his head._   
_“No, you didn’t. I was awake anyway,” he mumbled in reply and kissed her softly on the head. Covering them both with the blanket now, Louise snuggled up to him, inhaling his manly, earthy smell that she loved so much, before they both fell into silence, listening to the sounds of London by night._   
_His fingertips moved gently over her body, stroking her lower back where her top had ridden up a little exposing her soft skin underneath. Smiling, she closed her eyes, enjoying his caresses._

_Tom started humming ‘When You’re Smiling’ after a little while and slowly they danced under the cloudless night sky. Her hands snaked around his neck, causing the blanket to fall to the ground. His dark blue eyes locked on hers while her fingertips traced the hairline at the back of his head, drawing little circles onto his skin._   
_Gently, he pulled her a little closer still, cheek now pressed to her temple. He could feel her hot breath on his collarbone, her warm skin under his hands, causing every single fibre in him to relax. She made him feel vulnerable and sensitive but also incredibly safe and strong. With her, he could be himself, without a mask or an extra layer of skin for protection._   


_With her, he could be just Tom, a 31 year old man who sometimes loved to behave like a 10 year old child, made silly jokes, told funny stories, pulled off quote after quote from his favourite films or imitated some of the best actors around the world. And she laughed. Every single time._

_He loved to hear her laugh. And he loved to watch her do it as well. Little dimples would appear on her cheeks and tiny little wrinkles would form at the top of her nose and on the side of her eyes. Her hazel, sparkling eyes would light up and with them her whole face, the whole room, his whole world._   
_But with her, he was also not too ashamed to cry when he felt like it, when he needed it. He had cried after his grandmother had died and she had been there for him, holding him, wiping away his tears until the very last one had dried on his skin._

_And now, as she was so close to him, their bodies swaying in the same rhythm, their hearts beating in unison, he felt safe and protected enough to finally let go of all these emotions that had been building up inside him. During those last weeks he had tried to be strong for her, he had tried to comfort her and hold her while her physical wounds slowly became more and more invisible. And all this time he had held back his own pain in order to carry hers. It was too much now. Too much for him to carry alone. And just as he had helped her, he knew she would help him._

_She softly kissed his collarbone as she felt the first tiny teardrop on her shoulder. Another followed. And then another. Slowly, they made their way first across his skin, then hers, until they vanished in the thin fabric of her top. Burying his face in the crook of her neck, a quiet sob escaped from his mouth. His shoulders started to shake a little and he tightened the grip around her waist, though not enough to hurt her. Neither of them uttered a single word._

_Gently, her hand stroked across the soft skin on his shoulder, feeling every muscle, every tension underneath. The other glided slowly through his hair and down to his cheek. The bristles of his short beard tickled her thumb and she placed a soft kiss right below his ear. All this time, she rocked him gently back and forth, holding him, never letting go._   
_She hated to see him hurt. Just as he was protective over her, she was protective over him. Her brothers and Tom himself had had to hold her back more than once in the past when some fan of theirs had uttered an offending remark about her fiancée. She turned into a lioness ready to protect her cubs when it came to her family; brothers, parents, and boyfriend alike. But now was not the time to be a protective lioness._

_Carefully, she lifted up his chin from her shoulder and wiped away a few of his tears, before her lips brushed ever so slightly over his. He tasted of salt and sadness._   
_Nudging his nose gently with hers, she kissed away a couple more of the wet little drops on his cheek, her hands cupping his face, his arms still around her waist. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm down a bit. Even though neither of them had said a word, he felt better, now that some of the tension, which had built up inside of him, had been released._

_He could still feel her face close to his, hear her lungs sucking in the night air around them only to exhale right after, her breath hot against his skin. The second time her lips met his, there was nothing gentle and careful about it anymore. It was a kiss full of desire and passion, her tongue twirling swiftly around his, exploring every tiny part of his mouth hungrily. Pressing her body closer to his, she buried one of her hands back in his hair while the other grazed along his back, leaving behind a trail of goosebumps and sending a shiver down his spine._

_When they both had to catch their breath, he looked at her intently, his hands propped up on the banister on either side of her now. His eyes locking on her luscious, carmine mouth, she bit her bottom lip ever so slightly, knowing exactly the effect it had on him._   
_Gently, he lifted up her chin and spread tiny kisses along her now even more exposed neck. Here and there, he nibbled on her skin occasionally before breathing a soft kiss onto it, soothing the tender tissue and causing her to moan quietly, the noise of which was lost among the sounds of the city around them._

_They were oblivious to the breathing of the city when they made love on the lounger under the starless open sky as if it was their first ever moment of intimacy. Every millimetre of skin was caressed, every desire stilled, every pain kissed away until they finally fell asleep under the watchful eye of the rising morning sun._

    “Lou? Hey, you okay?,” Paul’s hazel eyes, a mirror image of her own, looked at her worriedly. Shaking her head a bit to chase away the memories of the previous night for the time being, she looked at her brother, a soft smile playing around her lips.  
    “Yes, I’m fine. Sorry, what were you saying?” Still not looking entirely convinced, he repeated,  
    “We thought about resuming the tour in mid-July. We could even add a few more gigs then, to make up for the long waiting period. Plus, it would give you further time to, you know, deal with everything and Marc would have enough time to plan everything.” They all looked at her, expectantly, as if this decision depended on her alone.  
    “Sure, sounds good to me,” she nodded with a smile, causing everybody to smile in return.  
All would be well after all.


	7. Man Of The Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer applies

**7\. Man Of The Year**

 

    “Tom, stop fussing,” she mumbled with a smile and gently took his hands off his black tie. He grinned apologetically and slipped his hands around her waist.

    Her coral, knee-length cocktail dress with the big, black bow situated at the left side of her waist formed a lovely contrast to her slightly tanned skin and her long, curly hair, and her four-inch nude heels brought her up almost to his height. Lovingly, he pressed a kiss on her cheek and looked back at the mirror, admiring the view he got of the both of them.

 

    A few days had passed since the abortion claims had been made by the Evening Standard and, despite the release of the public statement explaining about the ruptured ectopic pregnancy, the topic was not yet forgotten.

    This night, however, was not about their ongoing struggle and fight against the press and the public, but about having a good time at the Glamour Awards, where Tom would be awarded with the gong for ‘Man of the Year’.

 

    “You know what the good thing is about this awards show tonight?,” Louise smiled and looked up at him.

    “No, but I bet you’ll tell me any minute,” he chuckled.

    “The good thing is that tonight is not in the slightest about me. I don’t have to go up on stage, I don’t have to present an award, I don’t have to give a speech. I can just sit there all night long admiring you, cheering for you, and telling everybody, whether they want to hear it or not, that I’m with the cleverest and sexiest man in the whole room.” She grinned at him, the thumb of her right hand softly stroking his ginger goatee. Her grin got even wider when he blushed at her words and averted his eyes to look at his black shoes for a moment.

    “Lou, don’t,” he mumbled embarrassed, before he looked back up into her eyes. “I love you so much, darling, you know that, right?” Louise nodded ever so slightly.

    “Yes, I do, but I will never ever get tired of hearing it from you, especially when you use that sexy, husky voice of yours. You could get anything from me, if you say it like that,” she whispered with a smile. His eyebrows shot up and his now light blue eyes twinkled with mischief.

    “Anything, huh?” Pulling her softly closer to him, his lips soon found hers while his left hand moved down her back, finally coming to rest on her bottom. Squeezing it lightly, he grinned against her lips while she shoved her hands slowly underneath the jacket of his suit.

 

    The doorbell interrupted their little make-out session shortly after and, rather reluctantly, they let go of each other.

    “It’s probably Luke,” he mumbled apologetically and kissed her one last time before he walked downstairs to open the door. Adjusting his jacket on the way, he opened the door with a huge smile on his face.

 

    “Luke! Hey man, come in.” He greeted his publicist and good friend with a hug and led him further into the flat.

    “Hey, how are you? Ready to face the press?,” Luke asked with a friendly but also a little worried smile.

    “Not sure to be honest. But I don’t really have a choice, eh?,” Tom sighed and shoved his hands into the pockets of his black trousers just as Louise walked down the stairs.

    “Wow, Louise, you look incredible. Tom be careful, she’ll upstage you tonight,” Luke grinned and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.

    “She would even upstage me in her pyjama bottoms, I’m afraid,” Tom mumbled and looked proudly at his fiancée, whose cheeks turned a slight pink.

    “Oh stop it, you two,” Louise grinned, embarrassed, and grabbed her little black purse before the three of them left the flat.

 

    “I’ve always aspired to be a greater man than I am and, um, I am nowhere near there yet,… so I’d like to, rather sentimentally, dedicate this award to my mum for making me the man that I am.” A short pause during which he seemed to collect his thoughts before he continued with his speech.

    “And in addition to that, I want to dedicate this award to the most important woman in my life ever since I moved out of my parent’s house and away from my mother…,” Quiet laughter could be heard from the audience while his eyes wandered across the room to where Louise was sitting, looking at him on stage, a proud smile on her gorgeous face.

    “When I met you at the tender age of 15, I had no idea what the future had in store for us, Lou. I simply hoped we would have some kind, any kind of future together at that time. God, I was totally smitten with you from the very first moment I saw you.” He looked down at the award, a little embarrassed, before his eyes found her again.

    “Now, 16 years later, I can happily and proudly say, and yes, this is going to sound extremely cheesy, but I don’t care,” Again laughter from the audience. “that you are my rock, my haven, my home. You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes upon and I have to pinch myself ever so often to truly realise that you are mine. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me grow, learn, improve every day of our lives. I love you, Louise, because you make me the man I am.”

 

    Heading down the steps of the little stage amidst the cheers and applause from the audience, he walked back to their table, his eyes never leaving her, while she carefully wiped away a few tears that had started to roll over her cheeks during his speech. She got up, as he approached the table and naturally her hands slipped around his waist.

    “I love you too,” she whispered, still enormously touched by his words, before she kissed him gently. Taking their seats again, he never let go of her hand, while his other lay around her shoulder, his award standing on the table in front of them. Slowly, she stroked over the back of his hand with her thumb, her eyes locked on his face like an infatuated teenager.

    “Next time, you warn me please, so I can get my tissues ready,” she mumbled in his ear, causing him to chuckle lightly.

    “But that would be boring,” he teased her, pressing a tender kiss on her cheek. “I hope you know, that I meant every single word of it. You’re my everything and I’ll never, ever let you go again,” he added, whispering, and she turned her face to look right into his eyes.

 

    “Let’s get married,” she said and closed the front door of their flat behind her. He was just about to take off his shoes but halted in his movements and looked at her, confused.

    “But we will. Or at least I thought we would.” Furrowing his brows, he straightened up and kept looking at her, inquiringly, hoping her next words would enlighten him a little more. Had he missed something crucial here?

    “Yes, we will but I’m talking about now. Or rather, tomorrow. Or even the day after tomorrow, as long as it’s soon. I want to marry you, Tom. Preferably right now in this very instant but that might be a little difficult given that it’s 2 am in the morning.” She chuckled a little but looked at him earnestly.

    “You are serious about this, aren’t you,” he smiled and walked over to where she stood. She nodded while he took her hands in his and breathed a kiss on her left ring finger, right onto her humble but beautiful engagement ring.

    “I am. I want to become your wife sooner rather than later,” she answered, her eyes twinkling in the golden light of their hallway lamp. The love he could see in those shining, hazel orbs in this moment took his breath away. He had not seen that coming.

    “What about our families?,” he whispered and continued playing with her fingers, stroking them, intertwining her hands with his. She hesitated for a moment. It would break her father’s heart if she got married without him. She was his only daughter, his baby girl, and she knew he would desperately want to be a part of this important event in her life.

    “Well, we could try to find a free slot with a registrar in the next days first and then invite them all. I’m sure we’d get the most important people together, even at such short notice.”

 

    She looked at him, hopefully. Their whole life was so predictable. Every day was planned, every step thought of ahead. She just felt like she needed to break out of this schedule, do something spontaneously.

    “Okay, let’s do it,” he smiled widely. “God, this is crazy. But I love it, I love you.” He kissed her gently, his left hand now buried in her hair, his right resting on her waist. He could feel her smile into the kiss and softly nibbled on her bottom lip.

    “We should look into finding a registrar before we start practising the wedding night,” she mumbled after she had ended the kiss slowly. He pouted a bit, causing her to laugh quietly.

    “Your puppy dog eyes are seriously dangerous, Mr Hiddleston. If our children ever inherit them, I’m screwed,” she chuckled and gave him a peck on the nose. Smiling, he bit his lip.

    “Our children, huh?,” he repeated, emphasising the plural form she had used.

    “I hope that’s fine with you,” she whispered and blushed a little.

    “The more the merrier,” he winked and softly kissed her again, before they went upstairs to get changed and have a look at possible registrars.


	8. One Night Stand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer applies...

**8\. One Night Stand**

_Swaying, he stumbled out of the nightclub with Chris, Vera, and Jeremy, and together they made their way to the taxi stand. Taking off into a different direction, Chris and Jeremy said their goodbyes, leaving Tom and the young woman behind._   
_They shared a taxi as they lived pretty much in the same area and, even though drunk beyond good measures, he had not forgotten his manners and decided to accompany her home._

_It was a hot, humid night and their clothes stuck to their sweaty bodies which was also partly due to their dancing in the club earlier on. They all had the next day off and had therefore decided it was about time to have a closer look at the local club scene. It had been a long time ago that Tom had been to a club, dancing all night, forgetting about everything and everybody._

_Vera’s skirt had ridden up her thigh, exposing her tanned, smooth skin, and he had to literally force himself to look away. Her head rested on his shoulder and with a smile on her face she hummed along to a song they had danced to earlier. God, she was a good dancer. She definitely knew how to use those hips of hers to drive all men around her crazy and Jeremy had not been the only one trying to hook up with her that night. He had not succeeded though and instead of him, it was now Tom whose thigh rested against hers in the back of the car, whose arm was around her shoulders, whose fingertips stroked gently along the exposed skin on her arm._

_***_

_Slowly, her index finger drew invisible patterns on his thigh and combined with the view he got of her cleavage, he could not help but feel aroused by it. The alcohol was fogging his brain and slowly his primal instincts prevailed. She turned her head to look up at him, her breath hot against his skin and she bit her lip ever so slightly as his eyes met hers. His conscience, buried deeply within the liquid remains of Jameson Whisky and Tequila, receded entirely when their lips met passionately and hungrily._

_Shutting the door with a rather loud bang, he immediately pressed her against it, his hands pushing up the hem of her skirt, desperately trying to move the unwanted fabric out of the way. She buried her hands in his hair, sighing and moaning while his lips trailed down her neck, nipping, kissing, sucking, biting._   
_She whispered his name, her breath tickling his skin and looked up at her wantonly. His heart beat fast within his chest, pumping his alcohol-infused blood through the veins in his body at high speed while his conscience and common sense kept on scratching the outside of the door, begging for admittance._

_Lifting her up with a swift movement, he stumbled to the bed, her long, slender legs wrapped tightly around his hips, pressing hers against his growing erection. Finally lying down onto the bed, they almost ripped each other’s clothes off, throwing them away into the room and focusing only on each other._

_Their skins shone softly with perspiration as he leaned over her, her feet slowly gliding along the back of his legs, teasing him, rousing him._   
_And while their lips melted into another passionate kiss, their bodies merged as well, causing conscience and common sense to stop scratching the wooden door, retreating back down the hallway recognising defeat._

_***_

_He groaned quietly when he opened his eyes, the brightness of the sunbeams pouring in through the open window blinding him for an instant. He looked around, confused, as he did not recognise this place, when his eyes fell onto the sleeping woman beside him._   
_The bedsheet had ridden down, offering him an unrestricted view of her beautiful, naked breasts, heaving gently with every breath she took. Lovebites covered her neck and shoulders and sighing he closed his eyes again._

_Shit!_

_Carefully he disentangled himself from the sheets and looked for his boxers. Their clothes were strewn across the room, his shirt covering the lamp, her bra hanging off the doorhandle. His head was throbbing and he felt sick for a moment but, taking a deep breath, he pulled himself together and got dressed quietly._

_With one last look at Vera, he left the room and took a taxi to his own place._   
_How far had they gone that night? Was she on birth control? Had he had a condom in his purse? Had they used it?_   
_Question after question popped into his hungover head and he pressed his palms to his temples to ease the throbbing pain while trying to remember what had happened the previous night. None the wiser, he paid the taxi driver when they reached their destination and entered his apartment shortly after._

_He picked up his post lying on the floor and flicked through it. A padded envelope caught his attention. He would have recognised her handwriting among thousands. Opening it carefully, he pulled out a CD and a folded sheet of paper._

_“My darling Tom,_

_I wanted you to be one of the first to hold our new baby in your hands. It’s not out yet but, you know, I’ve got connections ;)_

_I am so nervous to hear what you think. Please let me know when you’ve gotten this. You know I cannot wait to hear your voice again._

_I love and miss you!_

_Yours,_   
_Louise”_

_Tears started to pool in his eyes as he looked at the newest record of The Chase and he thought about calling her immediately, confessing what he had done. But then, he did not know what he had done, so why upset her before he knew what really happened, right? Maybe it was nothing._

_He desperately tried to find an innocent explanation for waking up naked next to an also naked woman who had lovebites all over her neck and shoulders, which she could not have made there herself, but without success. It all came down to one thing. He had slept with her. With a girl 7 years his junior who worked on the same film set as he did and who he would see pretty much every day for another few weeks._

_He cursed loudly, throwing the post in his hands at the nearby wall only to realise a little too late that he had still been holding Louise’s letter and CD as well. Well done, Tom!_   
_Quickly covering the few metres between the wall and him, he carefully picked up the record. The lid had broken off the case and a huge scratch covered the once shiny and smooth side of the disc. Defeated, he leant onto the wall and buried his head in his hands while the smiling faces of Louise and her bandmates beamed up at him from the back of the booklet._


	9. One Time Only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer applies... a bit of strong language in here (not much though)

**9\. One Time Only**

_"I’m sorry, Tom! I absolutely did not see that coming! I’ll be around at yours at 12 so we can talk about how to react to these utterly stupid and disrespectful rumours. Seems they just won’t leave you alone."_

With sleepy eyes Tom read Luke’s text message, not quite understanding what he meant. Looking over at Louise who was still fast asleep, he quietly got up and walked downstairs to get a cup of coffee to wake up his tired brain and limbs while he texted Luke back.  
 _"What do you mean?"_ Hoping it was not another vile article about Lou’s ectopic pregnancy, he opened the fridge and peered inside when his phone beeped again.

 _"Daily Mail, Sun, Mirror"_ was the only response he got and he fired up his laptop to check the respective homepages.  
Clutching the cup with his favourite black hot liquid in one hand, he tapped away on the keyboard with the other only to be left almost choking on his drink when the first website opened.

**‘Lost a baby? Don’t worry, there’s another!’**

**‘Man of the Year with more than just one woman a year’**

**‘Guess who’s going to ‘chase’ that woman down...’**

His slightly tanned face turned pale when he read through the articles.

_“The winner of this year’s Man of the Year Glamour Award, Tom Hiddleston, whose fiancée, The Chase singer Louise Norfolk, recently suffered from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy while on stage with her band in Berlin, seems to be no man for just one woman._

_24 year old Vera Maddison, one of the various makeup artists on The Avengers set, gave birth to a boy earlier this year and now claims the child has been fathered by no other than the Avengers star himself during his time in the US._

_Hiddleston and Norfolk had gone through a rather rough time in the previous year and, while the actor spent quite some time stateside and elsewhere in the world, obviously enjoying himself, Louise was left behind in Britain working on the new album of her band._  
 _Back in the UK, their struggles continued and Hiddleston even moved out of their shared flat in south west London for a while. Nevertheless, the couple have become reconciled around Christmas and seemed stronger than ever in those last few weeks._

_Will Maddison’s claims of the Brit’s fatherhood shatter all this again?_

_Despite having rather famous competition, the aspiring makeup artist from Chicago is confident that Hiddleston will acknowledge his child and even thinks about moving to the UK to be closer to her offspring’s father._

_Hiddleston’s and Norfolk’s management have been contacted and we’ll keep you informed about further events.”_

Running his hand over his face, Tom set down his cup and rested the palms of his hands on the cold, smooth surface of the cooking island. He remembered Vera and he remembered that night back in July last year but up until now he had still hoped to not have his worst fears confirmed.

He looked up as he heard footsteps on the stairs and saw Louise walking downstairs, only wearing one of his shirts and panties. He smiled at her faintly and she smiled back with a sigh.

“I just got Olly’s email. Seriously, I’m so sick of these tabloids trying to make our lives harder every day. Don’t they have anything true to write about. These rumours are disgusting.” Pouring herself a cup of coffee, she then sat down on top of the cooking island right next to Tom’s laptop.  
“Jonas is coming round later. He said he wants to talk to Luke as well, I hope that’s fine with you.” She was still smiling this wonderful, gorgeous smile of hers. She still believed these were all lies. She still believed in him.

“Lou...,” he started, staring at the bright blue sky outside the panorama window before he turned to look at her. “I think I have to tell you something.”  
“Okay, what is it?,” she asked lovingly, crossing her legs and looking at him expectantly while taking a sip of her coffee. She looked so innocent, still so genuinely happy from the planning of their wedding they did the previous night. Not for a moment did she believe those rumours to be true.

He pushed himself off the cupboard and started wandering around it towards the windows leading to their roof terrace.  
“You remember when we had that fight last year because you couldn’t make it to the Avengers set?,” he said quietly without looking at her.  
“Well yes, I do. But what’s that got to do with this?,” she asked, pointing to his laptop. He closed his eyes and ruffled through his hair. Obviously she had not read the articles yet but merely Olly’s synopsis of them.  
“I was disappointed Lou and...and I felt neglected. All you cared about was that album, the promotion you and the guys had to do, the video you had to shoot. I felt left behind.”  
Carefully, she put down her coffee mug and slid off the cooking island.  
“I am sorry, Tom. I already told you that I didn’t want to make you feel that way. You know I didn’t. But the last few months of recording and promotion are always so busy and hectic and...well, even though we’ve been successful with our last record doesn’t mean we can just expect the same for the next. So we have to work hard. And I did visit you on set, just not...not as often as you wanted.” She looked at his back sadly and slowly padded towards him, her bare feet slapping against the dark wooden floor.  
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she whispered as her arms snaked around his waist. She pressed soft kisses on his back between his shoulders, still totally oblivious to what he was trying to tell her.  
Everything had been so perfect last night. Why should it have changed since then?

Slowly, he turned around, taking her hands into his. She looked surprised when she saw tears twinkling in the corners of his eyes.  
“Tom?” It was barely a whisper. She slid her hands out of his when realisation suddenly hit her. She shook her head, tears now forming in her eyes as well.  
“No! No, tell me you didn’t. Tell me you didn’t cheat on me. You wouldn’t, would you, Tom?”  
Louise took a few steps backwards, taking in his whole form. His sagging shoulders, the tears running down his cheeks, his hands stretched out towards her.

“Lou, please listen. I...I didn’t mean to. You have to believe me! I was drunk, I was...” She interrupted him briskly.  
“So we fight and you have a few drinks and the first thing you do is go and fuck somebody else? Did you do that every time we fought? Did you? DID YOU?,” she shouted at him, more tears of anger now flowing down her cheeks. He took a step towards her but stopped when she backed away.  
“Lou that’s not how it was. It was this one time only, I swear. Please!”  
“Well, at least you had a successful shot ‘this one time’. Congratulations on becoming a father, Thomas. Less pressure on me now,” she spat back before turning on the heel and walking back upstairs. He looked after her, helpless.

Tears were blinding her vision as she pulled a suitcase from the wardrobe and started stuffing it with a few of her clothes. Wiping her nose with the back of her hand, she sank onto her knees in front of the bed. She buried her face in the bedsheets, which smelled so much of him. Everything smelled of him. The very air she was breathing smelled of Tom.

“Please don’t go, Lou. Please don’t leave me,” he begged from where he was standing in the doorway of their bedroom. She could hear that he was crying but, unlike a few days ago, it did not touch her now. Slowly, she stood up and turned towards him, trying to regain her composure.  
“What do you expect me to do, huh? Listen to you confessing how sorry you are only to tell you then that it’s all forgiven? You fucked another woman, Tom. You got her pregnant. Hell, you’ve got a child with her. But hey, we just talked about children yesterday so you’re lucky, I suppose.” She glared at him before she turned her attention back to her half-packed suitcase.

“Well, you kissed Ben,” he mumbled, regretting it instantly. It was not the same. Similar maybe, but not the same. And it was inappropriate to point it out again.  
“Yes, I did. I kissed him, I know. Thanks for the reminder. Maybe I should’ve fucked him as well. That would have made us even, wouldn’t it.” Louise simply shook her head before she walked into the bathroom to fill her toiletry bag.

“It’s not even proven that I’m the father of that child, Louise. Please! Let’s sit down with Jonas and Luke and work things out.” He sighed, wiping the wetness off his face while he slowly followed her into the ensuite bathroom. They had been so happy last night. They had laughed and made plans and kissed. They had loved each other with all their hearts and now all these plans they had made were shattered as it seemed.

Supporting herself against the ceramic washbasin, she looked at his reflection in the huge mirror. His eyes were red and slightly swollen, just like hers. They both looked like crap.  
Her phone was buzzing on the bedside table and with a sigh she pushed past Tom to go and answer it.  
“Hey Paul...Yes, I’ve already talked to Olly...Yes, Jonas will be here in a little while...I’m fine....Yes really. I’ll call you later, okay?...Alright, bye!” She hung up and dropped her mobile on the mattress, raking her hands through her auburn curls.  
“Why didn’t you tell him?,” Tom mumbled from where he stood.  
“I don’t think it makes a lot of sense to have my brothers storming our flat, shouting at you while the press hovers in the hallway and takes notes,” Louise replied dryly, turning back towards her wardrobe where she picked a few clothes. They were both in their nightclothes still, and Luke and Jonas would be here soon so it was about time to put on some decent garments.

When she walked back downstairs again after her shower, she had calmed down a little bit. It still hurt, most of all the fact that he had seemingly got her pregnant, and her baby was fine and healthy and alive. But she had also realised in those few moments of solitude that running away without talking to their publicists first would not be a clever thing to do and cause them only more trouble and pain.  
Tom stood up from the dining table when he saw her coming down the stairs. He had gotten changed as well and was now wearing black trousers and a dark green shirt. He looked tired and sad and defeated.  
“They’re stuck in traffic,” he mumbled and pointed towards the door. “They’ll be here any moment, I reckon.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, insecurely as how to treat her, what to say, and what to do.  
Louise simply nodded and filled another mug with coffee. The other one had turned cold by now.


	10. Breaking The Law

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer applies...

**10\. Breaking the Law**

“Ok Tom, the first thing we should do, is to contact a lawyer and figure out this whole paternity test issue. Because there is no way you’re going to admit anything while it’s not confirmed that this is really your child. And as soon as we get the results, we can work from there,” Luke explained and looked at Jonas for confirmation, who simply nodded in agreement.  
The four of them were sitting at the dining table, Louise as far away from Tom as possible. Why had he not told her earlier? Why not straightaway? Why did he wait almost an entire year?

“Lou?” She looked up at Jonas who had obviously talked to her.  
“I’m sorry, say that again,” she mumbled apologetically.  
“What are you going to do now, Lou?,” he asked carefully and she could feel Tom’s eyes on herself immediately.  
“Uhm, I...I don’t know, to be honest. I might ask Henry for a place in his spare bedroom,” she shrugged, her fingers clutching onto her empty mug. Tom cleared his throat.  
“I’ll go and find somewhere to stay, Lou. It’s all my fault after all. You stay here. I’ll take care that security is enhanced in the lobby to make sure the press leaves you alone, and then I’ll go and find a hotel.” He was nervous and so very different from the self-confident Tom she had seen only yesterday.

Luke, in between them, fidgeted with his pen and looked at Jonas shortly before he started speaking,  
“You know, please don’t get this wrong but...if one of you is seen moving out of this place, even if it’s only temporarily, things will get dirty with the press. They won’t be as reserved as last time...” At this both Lou and Tom raised their eyebrows. The news reports during their difficult time at the end of the last year had been anything but reserved in their opinion.  
“They will literally hunt you and those close to you in order to get just the tiniest detail they can use against you. And with Vera Maddison now thrown into the mix it might even be worse. Just remember that please, whatever you decide to do.” Both of them nodded even though inside of them things were as far away from being calm as they could possibly be.

“Thanks for coming round so quickly. I’m sorry for everything,” Tom mumbled, apologising over and over to Jonas and Luke as they were about to go.  
“Don’t worry, we’ll get through this. Call me, us, when you need anything. Both of you! And work things out. You’ve been through so much, don’t let this get you down,” Jonas smiled faintly and patted his shoulder before he left the flat with Luke.

Closing the door quietly behind them, he walked slowly back into the open plan kitchen and dining area where Louise stood at the windows, looking over London.  
“Why did you not tell me before?,” she asked quietly without turning around to face him. He hesitated for a moment before he slowly walked a little closer, still leaving an appropriate distance between them.  
“Because it didn’t, it doesn’t, matter to me. I was drunk, I couldn’t even remember whether we really went as far as...as sleeping with each other. All those weeks and months I hoped we hadn’t,” he sighed and closed his eyes before he opened them again and looked outside into the blue summer sky himself now. “Even those few weeks on set afterwards I pretended nothing had happened and she never said a thing. She never once told me she was pregnant. In fact, after that night she asked to be reassigned to somebody else and I simply thought that’s it. Not for one moment did I believe things could get this bad.”

He looked over to Louise who was just about to wipe a few more tears from her face. It was like a punch in the stomach. He hated to see her cry and even more so when it was because of him.  
“Do you want me to go?,” he whispered, standing there helplessly and guiltily.  
“You heard Luke. One of us moving out would make matters only worse. If that’s even possible,” she mumbled and looked at the crumpled white tissue in her hands.  
“I’ll...I’ll move into the spare bedroom then,” he nodded. The previous night they had talked about transforming it into a nursery when the time came. It seemed so very long ago now.  
“That’s probably a good idea,” she agreed and looked at him, before she walked past him into the living room and sat down at the piano.

Music had helped her through so many things. Maybe she could simply play the pain away this time as well. Opening the lid, she placed her fingers on the keys and without even thinking about it, they found the right notes to play.  
Eyes closed, completely lost in the moment, she just kept going while the sad tune filled the living room and soon after the entire flat.

  
_when you need to smile_   
_but you can’t afford it_   
_go on point it out,_   
_I’m gonna steal it_   
_when the floor is more familiar_   
_than the ceiling_   
_I will break in late at night_   
_shake up how you’re feeling_   


  
_I’ll never stop_   
_breaking the law for you._   
_I’ll never stop_   
_helping to pull you through_   
_whatever it takes_   
_to get what you need_   
_ignore the alarms_   
_ignore the police_   
_I’ll never stop_   
_breaking the law for you_   


  
_when you’re taking steps_   
_but you need to go faster_   
_we can speed through the streets_   
_so the shadows can’t catch us_   
_when the corridors and all the stairs_   
_are making you tired_   
_I’ll come for you_   
_set the building on fire_   


  
_I’ll never stop_   
_breaking the law for you._   
_I’ll never stop_   
_helping to pull you through_   
_whatever it takes_   
_to get what you need_   
_ignore the alarms_   
_ignore the police_   
_I’ll never stop_   
_breaking the law for you_   
_(Emeli Sandé - "Breaking the law")_   


Sobbing quietly, she stopped playing and her slender fingers slid off the ivory into her lap. Teardrops soaked the thin fabric of her skirt and melted into her skin.  
She could hear his quiet footsteps on the fluffy rug coming closer. He stopped and she waited. Waited for whatever he might say, whatever he might do.

He took a few more steps until he was next to her before he kneeled down on the soft carpet.  
“I know it’s too early to ask for forgiveness and I am not even sure I deserve that. But please believe me when I say that I love you, Lou. What I said last night...I meant it. Every single word of it. You are everything to me. Please don’t leave me because of this bloody stupid mistake. Please don’t give up on us.” His voice was barely a whisper and new tears ran down his cheeks.

Carefully he treaded his arms around her waist and laid his head onto her lap next to her hands. His shoulders were shaking a little and she could feel the wet patch that his tears made on her thigh.  
“I’m not going anywhere,” she breathed and, after a moment of hesitation, let her hand slowly run through his hair. “I’m not going to go because of one thing you did wrong. I’ll stay because of everything you’ve done right,” Louise added while new tears flowed down her rosy cheeks.

She loved him. She loved him with all her heart and she had realised that what hurt her the most about all of this was not the fact that he had cheated on her during their time of difficulties. It was the fact that he had not trusted her, their relationship and love enough to be honest all those months ago.

“Don’t ever lie to me again, Thomas,” she mumbled while wiping some more of her tears away. He slowly raised his head and looked at her. Red and puffy eyes, wet cheeks, worry in his expression.  
“I promise...I promise, Louise.” She nodded and closed the lid of her piano quietly before standing up, leaving Tom behind, still kneeling next to the wooden stool.


	11. Kensington Gardens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer applies...

**11\. Kensington Gardens**

“I have to go to the US for the shoot in a few days,” he mumbled as she poured herself a new cup of coffee during breakfast a few days later.  
“Okay. How long will you be there?” She looked at him, looked at his thinning frame covered by a white v-neck shirt. He had lost weight for his newest project and it worried her, even though she knew he was taking good care of himself nevertheless.  
“About two weeks I guess. And then we’re going to Morocco and Germany.” He looked at her with his sad blue eyes. He was still sleeping in the guest bedroom. The press was still writing about them. The question of fatherhood was still unsolved.

She nodded and took her seat opposite him again, sipping the dark, hot liquid from her ‘Loki’d’ mug.

“You look tired, Lou,” he whispered, a worried expression in his eyes. Sighing, she closed her eyes for a moment.  
“I’m okay, Tom. Don’t worry.” She hated the atmosphere, the uncertainty lingering in the air.

But then again it was too soon for her to go back to normal. Too soon to ignore what had happened. She needed certainty.  
She needed to know whether this little boy with the sparkling blue eyes that had looked at her from the front pages of multitudinous tabloids the previous day was his son.

“Are you working today?,” he asked quietly and pushed his empty cereal bowl aside. She shook her head.  
“No, Jonas cancelled all interviews for the moment. They wouldn’t be about the album or tour anyway and I am not going to let my personal issues take control of my band’s hard work.”  
He nodded, understandingly, and fumbled with his spoon before clearing his throat.  
“Would you...would you come with me to the doctor’s? I’ve got the appointment for the DNA paternity testing today.” His pleading puppy dog eyes looked at her hopefully.

She was well aware of the fact that they could not go out of each other’s way forever. They were still living in the same apartment, they were still engaged, and deep down in their hearts, beneath all their pain and fears, they were still in love.  
It would take time and hard work to push these dark clouds, which were threatening their happiness, away but they had to start somewhere, did they not?

“At what time is it?,” she asked quietly before finishing off her toast. She could almost hear his sigh of relief which he tried to suppress with all his might.  
“It’s at 12. We could have lunch afterwards maybe.” He smiled a faint smile.  
“Yes,...we could,” she nodded, smiling a little in return.

 

“Where would you like to go for lunch?,” he asked and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans insecurely as they left the surgery situated in the very heart of Belgravia.  
“I don’t know. What do you feel like eating?,” she replied while looking for her sunglasses in her purse.

It was a hot summer’s day in early June and the sun shone brightly from the blue, cloudless sky.

“Well,...we could go to that little Italian place just off Sloane Square that you liked so much or we could get a takeaway and eat in the park,” he suggested and popped his own sunglasses on.  
Tying her long, curls, which she had died a dark, rich, chocolate brown the other day, up into a loose bun, she smiled tentatively.  
“Actually, I think I like the idea with the park.” Placing a hand carefully at the small of her back, Tom smiled and together they walked slowly down the road towards Kensington Gardens, buying their Chinese lunch on the way to the park.

They found a quiet spot close to the Albert Memorial but far away enough from the mainroad to be left alone in peace and quiet for at least a little while. Smoothing her skirt over her knees to avoid a wardrobe malfunction, Louise watched Tom while he spread out their food on the patch of grass between them before he handed her some chopsticks.

They ate in silence, listening to the humming of cars in the distance and the singing of birds in the nearby trees. The busy, hectic life of London’s inhabitants seemed to far away in this green haven in the middle of the city. She sighed contently and closed her eyes for a moment, turning her face towards the sun to soak up its warmth.

A sad smile flickered across Tom’s lips. She was so close, yet so far away. He wanted so desperately to touch her, kiss her, hold her but he could not. Not yet anyway. Feeling his eyes on her, Louise looked at him.  
“Have I got something in my face?,” she asked with a teasing smile.  
“No...no, you haven’t,” he replied a little embarrassed. “I just thought how beautiful you are. Your eyes, your skin, everything about you is perfect, Lou,” he added, whispering, causing her to blush slightly and avert her eyes to the ground.

“If I were anything close to perfect, Tom, you wouldn’t have been drawn to her,” she mumbled and put her chopsticks down on her napkin. His smile vanished instantly.  
“Lou...that is not why I did this. I mean, I don’t know why I did it but it was definitely not because you’re not the woman I want.” Again, the pleading look on his face, begging for her understanding.

Taking a deep breath, he dropped his chopsticks as well and crawled over to where she sat. Slowly, he took her hands into his and pressed a soft kiss onto her knuckles.

“Please believe me, Louise. I love you and no one else. That night was probably the biggest mistake I ever made and I’d do everything to undo it. But I can’t. I can’t undo it. No matter how badly I wish I could, no matter how often I pray at night that I’ll wake up and you’ll be next to me again, it just doesn’t work. And I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to prove to you that you are the only one for my and that this will never, ever happen again. Tell me! Tell me what to do to make you believe me! Please!”

Tears had formed in his eyes as he looked at her. Teary blue met teary hazel. She had to swallow before she was able to reply.

“I don’t know, Tom. I don’t know what you can do to take away this huge bulk of self doubt that I seem to carry around with me. It’s just...you know, I am obviously incapable of making you happy. So often I am told by fans and the press how beautiful and wonderful I am, how talented and special. But when I come home, what is left of that underneath the fancy clothes, the makeup, the voice? I’ve got so many flaws and I make so many mistakes. I just don’t seem to be enough for you. And maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m not the right one for you. Maybe you just think I am because I’ve been around for so many years...Maybe I should just let you g-”

She was interrupted by his lips on hers, passionately, hungrily, finally. He cupped her face with his hands, carefully leaning over her, while her hands scrambled for hold on his shirt. Their tears melted into their lips while his tongue conquered her mouth. The kiss, so full of desperation and need, seemed to last forever until they both had to gasp for breath.

His thumbs still stroking over the soft skin on her cheeks, he whispered, “Don’t you ever, for one second, believe that you are not good enough for me, Louise. Never.”


	12. The Stupidity Of Men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer applies...

**12\. The Stupidity of Men**

    Louise looked up from her notebook, where she was writing down a few ideas for a song she was composing on her acoustic guitar, when the doorbell rang.

    “I’ll go,” she shouted, as Tom was probably not dressed yet, having just come out of the shower.

    Standing on tiptoes, she looked through the peephole in the door and saw a woman standing in front of it, a baby fast asleep in her arms. Louise turned around and had to lean onto the door for a moment while taking a deep breath.

    “Who is it?,” Tom asked as he came downstairs with wet hair and busy buttoning his shirt. “Lou, are you alright?,” he added, concerned as Louise had suddenly turned pale. Gently, he pushed her aside and looked through the peephole himself.

    “No way,” he mumbled and opened the door soon after. “What are you doing here?,” he asked Vera who looked at him with an arrogant smile, holding a letter in her hand.

    “I thought you might want to meet your son. Oh and I was nice enough to bring your mail up as well.” He snatched the letter out of her hand, fuming because of her intrusion, while Louise now stepped next to him, looking at the other woman with an unreadable expression on her face.

 

    “Will you not let us come inside, Thomas? The press downstairs might consider that rather rude of you,” she sneered. With gritted teeth, Tom stepped aside and made room for her to enter. The baby in her arms still enjoyed the sleep of the innocent, totally oblivious to what happened around him. He quietly closed the door and looked at Louise before his eyes fell on the letter.

    “It’s the result,” he mumbled surprised while Vera was walking into their living room as if she owned the place. His hands got suddenly rather sweaty and he looked nervously at his fiancée.

    “Are you not going to open it?,” she asked quietly and leaned onto the door. Her emotions were on a rollercoaster ride, not least because of that women in her home. She saw that his hands were shaking a little and gently she took one of them in her own, pressing a soft kiss onto its back.

    He took another deep breath and tried to ignore the fact that the result in this letter could change his future, and also that of his relationship to Louise, to quite some extent. Ripping the flap open, he pulled out the folded sheet of paper.

    In the corner of his eyes he could see Vera standing in the doorway, eyes intently on the letter in his hands. He looked up at her and something in her expression made him more confident. Unfolding the letter, he scanned it quickly, trying to find the part that contained the result.

    Louise felt her heartbeat increase. The tension was almost unbearable while she watched Tom scan the letter. It took her by surprise, when he suddenly threw his arms around her and picked her up while doing his victory dance.

    “I’m not the father,” he kept on mumbling in her ear, his voice dripping with happiness. “I’m not the father, Lou. This is not my child,” he whispered again after he had set her back down onto the ground. He kissed her gently on the forehead, still cautious about the level of intimacy she allowed him at the moment, before he pulled her into another embrace.

    “That is really good news,” Louise answered just as quietly and looked up at him, relief reflected in her hazel eyes. Smiling at her once more, he gently took her hand in his and they finally followed Vera into the living room. She was standing near the window, the boy still cradled in her arms, fast asleep.

 

    “Yes, I know Thomas, the baby isn’t yours,” she sighed, annoyed and turned around to look at them both.

    “Well, why did you say it was then, if you already knew that I am not the father. Do you have ANY idea how much trouble you’ve caused?” He angrily balled his fist on his side, trying his very best not to shout because of the baby, although this proved to be rather difficult with her standing there, loftily and undiscerning.

    “Because I am 24, I got knocked up by some penniless, worthless artist from New York and my career is over before it even began. I thought if I get some big name involved in a scandal surrounding my little boy, I might be able to get my life back. Or at least an adequate compensation for the trouble this whole pregnancy has caused me.”

    Tom still stood near the door, mouth agape, totally gobsmacked by what he just heard. She had only used him to get publicity, having no idea what this had done to his relationship and obviously she did not even care about the consequences for others.

    Louise next to him found her voice first. “So, how can you be so sure that Tom is not the father then, Vera?” Her voice sounded calm and composed and nothing about her body language revealed the anger and frustration that was bubbling up inside of her.

Vera let out a quiet, amused laugh.

    “Your lovely, precious Tom was way too pissed that night to even get undressed himself. He fell asleep as soon as we were in that taxi and by god it was a hell of a task to even bring him into my apartment. But I thought I might as well enjoy the sight while he was with me and make use of his totally drunken state. So I took his clothes off and decorated my room with them. I then added a few of mine and joined him in bed in my birthday suit. Given that he was gone the next morning before I even woke up, I had obviously succeeded in making him believe that we’d had sex. And with him remembering nothing, he was the perfect victim. And as a representative for the stupidity of men, he’ll now pay for it…generously.”

 

    Tom had turned pale during her little speech and was even more unable now to find the right words for a reply. His fiancée however simply nodded and took a few steps towards Vera.

    “Men are idiots, right? God, they always think they are so clever and so much more superior to women, it’s pathetic really.” She looked at the young women, who nodded with a surprised smile on her lips, which reflected Tom’s equally surprised facial expression.

    “But you know what, Vera. Women can be just as stupid when they believe themselves to be in control. Arrogance can make them so utterly blind and before they even realise it, they’ve ended up in a spiderweb without any chance of getting out of it again.”

Louise smiled at her but this time she was obviously mocking her interlocutor. The makeup artist looked at her, confused.

    “Excuse me?,” she mumbled, insecurity slowly poking through her facade of arrogance.

   

“Every single word you’ve just said, has been recorded, Ms Maddison. So I do recommend that you call your friends at The Sun, The Daily Mail, The Mirror, and all the other papers you’ve fed this story to and tell them that it was all just one big lie to get as much attention as possible in as little time as possible. Adding to this, you will write an open letter of apology addressed to my fiancé in which you will admit your mistake and ask for his forgiveness. If you fail to do such a thing, my dear, I will use this recording and I swear to god, I will make you suffer for what you have put us through in the last few days. Have I made myself clear?”

    Louise stood in front of her, a mere two metres away, arms folded, a stern look on her face. Part of her wanted to grab this woman by her hair and drag her out of the flat but her maternal instincts helped her to restrain herself. Vera’s eyes had grown wide and she swallowed.

    “Y-yes. Yes you have,” she nodded and without taking another look at Tom, she quickly left the flat with a silent thud of the front door closing behind her.

    “What a stupid bitch,” Louise mumbled and finally she looked truly angry while she stepped closer to the window and propped herself up on the window sill.

    “I…I can’t believe you just did that,” Tom stammered, still totally taken aback by what had just happened in front of his eyes.

    “Well, I’m not going to let some devastated, frustrated woman, who is too stupid to be on the pill, destroy my fiancé and my family.” She turned around and looked at him, leaning onto the cool glass behind her. A smile flickered across her lips.

    “Although I found her little visualisation of you being too drunk to have sex a teeny weeny bit amusing,” she added with a smirk, causing Tom to finally smile as well while he walked towards her.

    “Seriously, this is probably the first and only time that I am glad I was unable to get it up,” he grinned, a bit embarrassed.

    “Oh, I do remember another time,” she replied with a mischievous grin on her face.

    “Hey, stop. THAT night, my love, you got me drunk on purpose. That doesn’t count. You totally knew I’d lose this bet against your older brother about who could drink more shots in 15 minutes but still you convinced my 22 year old and totally naive self to do it, because ‘you believed in me’.” He stuck his tongue out at her, while slowly putting his arms around her waist.

    “I’d never do such a thing,” she whispered, seductively and let her hands run along his slender, but still somewhat muscular arms.

    Laughing quietly, Tom shook his head and looked at the woman in his arms.

    “Did you really record what she said?,” he mumbled after a little while and Louise nodded before she looked over to the piano. The dictaphone, which she normally used to record song ideas or snippets of lyrics and melodies, lay on top of it, the tiny red lamp indicating that it was recording, shining brightly against the smooth wooden surface.

    “The look on her face, when you realised where this letter was from, spoke volumes,” she replied with a faint smile.

    “Louise Norfolk, you are the best. Truly and honestly,” Tom laughed, proudly.

    “Well thanks but can you do me a favour now, please?,” she grinned and looked back up at him.

    “Sure, anything.” He looked at her, expectantly, awaiting her request.

    “Kiss me,” she breathed and he went on to fulfil her plea more than gladly.


	13. Pudding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you might have guessed...the usual disclaimer applies ;)

**13\. Pudding**

    Nervously, she walked back and forth in the huge arrival area of Heathrow Airport right in front of the huge letters stating “International Arrivals”. It was early in the morning and few people were here yet.  
    Every now and then somebody would approach her though and ask for an autograph or a photo and she gladly fulfilled every wish, happy about the distraction. It made the waiting time seem less long when she was busy like this.

    Olly leaned onto the railings a little further down, coffee in his hands and an observant eye on her every move. Slowly, Louise walked over to him.  
    “Why is he not here yet?,” she mumbled, impatient. Tom should have landed almost 20 minutes ago and the destination board still displayed a blinking “delayed” without giving any further information. Olly merely shrugged his shoulders and finished off his coffee.  
    “I might actually get one of those,” the young woman mumbled, pointing at his now empty cup.  
    “Want anything else yourself?,” she asked her manager while already walking towards the little Starbucks branch but Olly declined so she went on to order only for herself.

 

    Carefully sipping on the hot drink, she walked back to where she had been standing before, eyes fixed on the huge display above her head. She almost dropped her drink out of excitement, when the “delayed” behind the data of Tom’s flight from the US was suddenly exchanged with a “landed”.  
    Butterflies started flying around in her stomach and she felt like her 21 year old self again who was picking up her boyfriend at the station after being apart during the holidays.  
    Olly simply grinned at her while Louise was smiling like a lunatic and ran forwards to the banister, her intent gaze fixed on the huge, frosted glass doors separating the arrivals area from the luggage belts.

    “Either you finish your coffee in record time or you give it to me before you spill it all over the place when you jump at him,” Olly mumbled in her ear, an audible smirk on his face. Taking another huge sip, she handed the paper cup to her manager and friend and gave him a peck on the cheek.  
    “You’re the best, Olly,” Louise grinned and gently squeezed his arm.  
    “Yeah, I know. People tell me that a lot actually.” They both instantly burst into laughter, causing some of the other people waiting to look at them curiously.

    Still snickering, Olly walked back to where he had been standing before, allowing the couple some space once they would be reunited after a few weeks apart. Excitedly, Louise watched the people walking through the glass doors, one after the other falling into the arms of their beloved. Families were reunited, old friends, who had not seen each other for decades, finally looked back into each other’s eyes, parents hugged their children and grandchildren.

 

    And amidst all of them was Tom. He looked around, a little confused at first, until he saw her. His hair was ruffled but he looked so incredibly handsome in his dark trousers, white shirt and dark blazer. Manoeuvring his way through the other arriving passengers, he walked towards her, pulling his luggage, while Luke behind him followed suit.

    “I have missed you so much,” she whispered, as her arms were finally around him and he picked her gently up from the ground.  
    “God, I’ve missed you too, honey,” he mumbled into her hair before they both looked at each other lovingly. Setting her back down slowly, he cupped her face with his slender fingers while she buried her hands underneath his blazer. Her eyes were shining despite the early hour of the day and holding her again, seeing her again, made his heart race.

    Biting his lip, he inclined his head and just seconds later he could feel her soft, full lips on his, sending shivers down his spine. She pressed herself gently against him, her hands now on his back, pulling him as close to her as possible, while she nibbled carefully on his bottom lip only to soothe the very same spot with her tongue just moments after. He opened his mouth ever so willingly and playfully her tongue twirled around his, exploring every bit of his mouth as if it were for the very first time.

    Olly next to them cleared his throat and interrupted them shamelessly.  
    “Come on, you lovebirds. You can continue your make-out session on the drive home,” he winked and with a huge grin on their faces and a little colour in their cheeks, Louise and Tom followed Olly and Luke to the awaiting car.

    They dropped Luke off at Jonas’ place, which Tom and Louise commented with a knowing smirk on their faces, before Olly stopped the car in front of their apartment complex.  
    “Enjoy your day, you two. I’ll see you later.” He patted the actor’s shoulder with a friendly smile and his interlocutor thanked him in return.  
    Hands intertwined, the two of them took the elevator up to their penthouse apartment, where Louise opened up the door for the both of them.

 

    “Seriously, this place feels so empty and big without you here,” she sighed and sat down on the sofa next to Tom, who pulled her closer into his arms. Draping her legs over his, she snuggled up to him and kissed him softly on the neck.  
    “Believe me, the hotel room in Detroit is really not big and still it feels huge and lonely without you. I’ve missed you so much,” he mumbled against her hair and placed a kiss on top of it.  
    “Well, now I’ve got you back here with me for a whooooole week,” she grinned and looked up at him, running a hand through his wavy ginger hair and he smiled in return. He kissed her softly, placing one arm around her shoulders while the other hand traced slowly along her thigh.

    “I think I might actually lie down for a little before the pre-wedding party tonight,” he mumbled against her lips after a while. She smiled and placed a hand on his cheek.  
    “Mind if I join you?,” Louise asked innocently, knowing his answer already anyway. He simply grinned and picked her up, one arm supporting her back, the other under her knees, before he made his way up with her to their bedroom.

 

    Despite the early start she had had, Louise could not sleep anymore so instead she spent the time watching Tom. He had changed out of his travelling clothes into his more comfortable, dark green plaid pyjama bottoms, which she loved so much on him and was now lying on his back, fast asleep.  
    She smiled when he scrunched up his nose a little in his sleep. What was he dreaming of?

     Carefully, she moved closer to him and rested her head on his chest, while her fingertips ran through his barely there chest hair. Immediately, he put his arm around her and pulled her closer in his sleep.  
    She closed her eyes and inhaled his smell. Faint traces of his eau de cologne lingered on his skin and other than that he smelled simply of Tom. It was something she could not describe but she would have recognised him by it among thousands.  
It was the reason why she wore his shirts when he was not home and why she slept on his side of the bed when he was away for a shoot.

    She was in love with it, she was in love with him, and the two weeks apart from him had only proven that to her again.

   

In the end, she must have fallen asleep after all as it was already 1 o’clock the next time she looked at the clock on Tom’s bedside table. Carefully, she disentangled herself from his embrace and got up quietly. Her stomach was rumbling and reminded her that she had not yet eaten properly that day.

    Louise made her way into the kitchen and started to prepare a few snacks for Tom and herself as they would get a proper dinner at George’s and Catherine’s pre-wedding party later that day.  
Humming along to a song on the radio, she did not hear Tom quietly walking down the stairs. Still only clad in his pyjama bottoms, he walked towards her, smiling as she danced around the kitchen while getting a bit of food ready.

    “Jesus, Tom,” she mumbled, surprised, as he slipped his hands around her waist and breathed a kiss onto her neck.  
    “Sorry darling, I didn’t want to scare you,” he replied with an apologetic smile and pressed another kiss on her temple. “Can I help with anything?,” he added and quickly shoved one of the cocktail tomatoes in his mouth.  
    “You could help by not eating everything before I’m finished,” she grinned and leaned onto him a little, closing her eyes shortly.  
    “But I’m starving,” Tom laughed quietly and instead of stealing another tomato, he softly started nibbling on her neck.  
    “Tom...,”she mumbled with a sigh of pleasure.  
    “Yes honey?,” he whispered and let his hands run underneath her shirt, caressing the soft skin of her stomach, before he softly nibbled on her earlobe, causing her to sigh again.

Louise turned around in his arms and he pressed her gently against the worktop edge.  
    “I thought you’re hungry,” she mumbled with a smile and buried her hand in his hair as he kissed his way slowly down her neck again.  
    “Who says we can’t start with the dessert?,” he replied, smirking against her collarbone.

 

    “I know exactly why I’m such a big fan of pudding,” he grinned as she lay in his arms a little later. A thin bedsheet was draped over their entangled, naked bodies and his fingers trailed over her soft and slightly sweaty skin, while she looked up at him, eyes twinkling, face glowing, her dark hair draped over the pillow beneath her head.  
    “But now it’s time for the main course. I’m starving,” Louise laughed quietly, kissed him again softly and got up, pulling the sheet away from him at the same time.  
    “You are a cruel women,” Tom sighed theatrically and followed her downstairs shortly after.


	14. Memories and Baby Cousins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer applies...

**14\. Memories and Baby Cousins**

    “Uncle Tom! Mummy, Uncle Tom and Auntie Lou are here!” Alice ran towards them, holding on tightly to a pink cuddly toy matching the colour of her dress.

Smiling, Tom picked her up.

    “Hey Alice. Wow, you look gorgeous, young lady.” He pressed a soft kiss on top of her head, causing her to giggle, before he greeted everyone else with a wave of his hand.

Meanwhile, Louise was already welcoming her brothers Matthew and Max, who had returned from a foreign assignment in Afghanistan just a few days ago.

    “Are you going to wear this tomorrow as well? Because then it would match my dress,” Alice smiled and carefully stroked the fabric of his carmine coloured tie.

    “No honey, I’m afraid tomorrow I’ll wear something else,” he replied with an apologetic smile. “Will you still like me, though?” Tom looked at her with his puppy dog eyes and the little girl laughed at that.

    “I don’t know,” Alice giggled before she hid her face in the crook of his neck.

    “Well, I really hope you will. I’d be very sad if I lost you as my friend, Alice,” he mumbled against her hair and she looked back up at him.

    “I was only joking, Tom,” she laughed, scrunching her nose up while she did so. He pretended to let out a huge sigh of relief while clutching his chest with his free hand.

    “I am very glad to hear that,” he winked and greeted the bride-to-be Catherine with a peck on the cheek before he put Alice back down, who ran straight over to her Auntie Lou.

   

    “Do you mind if I take over?,” Lucas asked Tom during a dance later and looked at his daughter proudly.

    “No, of course not,” the young man answered with a smile and gave his fiancée a soft kiss on the cheek, before her father pulled her gently closer to himself.

    “How are you, my dear?,” he asked quietly while they danced slowly to Louis Armstrong’s ‘What A Wonderful World’.

    “I’m good, Daddy. How are you?,” Louise smiled and looked at her father lovingly. He smiled and looked around for a moment.

    “I’m very good indeed. And incredibly happy to have you all in one place again. Christmas is way too long ago.”

    “Yes, I know. I’m sorry, Dad, we should come round way more often,” she sighed. “Have you thought about moving closer to London? We could still keep the house, you know. But then you wouldn’t be so far away from us.” Lucas hesitated and took a deep breath.

    “You know, sweety, I can’t leave that house. This is where all my memories are, where all her memories are. I saw you all grow up in there and even though you’ve moved out and moved on, this is still your home and it always will be. This is where I feel close to you all, even though you might be far away. I couldn’t bear to move out. I would feel incredibly lonely without all those happy memories around me,” he mumbled and looked at his youngest child, hoping for understanding. To his surprise, Louise had tears in her eyes.

    “I miss her so much, Dad. She should be here today. She should be with you every day. It’s not fair.” She let out a quiet sob while Lucas stroked gently across her back.

    “Life is never fair, my dear. But she is here with us, you know that. She lives on in our memories and in our hearts as long as we don’t forget about her. And I’m pretty sure your mother is incredibly proud of all of you. I am so proud of all of you.”

Pressing a gentle kiss onto her forehead, he pulled her into a tight embrace. The song had ended and a faster one could be heard from the speakers now but they did not pay attention to that. Instead, they remained in their embrace, remembering their beloved mother and wife, and all the moments they had shared with her.

    “I love you, Louise,” Lucas whispered after she had calmed down a bit.

    “I love you, too, Dad,” she replied quietly and smiled at him faintly.

He looked at her lovingly before his gaze fell on Tom, whose worried eyes had not left her since the first tear had formed in her hazel eyes. Lucas nodded slightly and the young man crossed the few metres between them to place his hand gently on Louise’s back while Lucas let go of her.

    “Time to dance with the bride-to-be,” he winked and kissed his daughter carefully again, before he made room for his future son-in-law.

 

    “Hey honey,” Tom mumbled and pulled her gently into his arms. “You okay?” She could hear that he was worried and nodded quickly to reassure him that it was fine. Nevertheless, she snuggled up to him, her head resting against his chest.

    “I love you, Tom,” she whispered as they swayed slowly to a tune only they could hear.

    “I love you, too, Lou,” he replied and kissed her softly on the head.

A gentle tug on his trousers made him look down.

 

    “Hey Alice,” he smiled and the young girl smiled in return, while Louise now looked at her as well.

    “Uncle Tom? When am I going to have a little baby cousin? I really want one, you know. And George said he and Kate want to wait and Matt and Paul said the same so what about you two?” The little girl looked at them expectantly before she added, “Oh and I don’t mind whether it’s a boy or a girl. I’m fine with both.” Tom laughed and blushed a little while he let go of Louise and crouched down to be closer to the little one.

    “Well, you know…Having a baby is a pretty big step but Lou and I are definitely thinking about it.” Before he could go on, Alice interrupted him.

    “Well, thinking won’t give you a baby. Mummy told me that. You need to love each other for that.” She looked at him earnestly with her big brown eyes, still clutching her cuddly toy from earlier on. Louise had to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing, while Tom’s face turned an even darker shade of red. A little helpless, he looked up at his fiancée, who merely shrugged her shoulders. With a quiet sigh, Tom looked back to Alice.

    “It’s not that we don’t love each other, sweetheart, but we are both very busy at the moment and…and maybe your mummy told you what happened to Auntie Lou earlier this year?!” He waited for Alice to nod before he continued, “And because of that, I think we are also a little…a little worried that it might happen again, you know. But I promise, one day in the not-too-distant future you’ll have a baby cousin to play with.” Alice seemed content with that reply and hugged him.

    “That sounds good. Thank you, Uncle Tom,” she smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “Will you dance with me now?” He chuckled a little because of her boldness.

 

    “Let me ask Louise if it’s okay that I dance with such a beautiful young lady as you are,” he winked and stood up again. “Do you mind, darling?,” he whispered to Louise and stroked her cheek gently, his own still a little flushed.

    “Not at all,” Louise smiled and kissed him lovingly before she bent down to Alice. “Have fun, love. But I do want him back later,” she winked and Alice laughed at that.

    “That’s fine, Auntie Lou. I don’t want to keep him anyway, he’s too old for me,” the four year old grinned before Tom swept her off her feet towards the dancefloor, tickling her lightly as he did so.


	15. Patience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer applies...

**15\. Patience**

    Wiping away the tears on her face with the back of her hand, Louise pulled up the blanket over her body while Tom opened up the front door to let himself in after a long day of shooting ‘Thor: The Dark World’ in London. It was already late in the evening and a rather unusual and unexpected snow storm was raging outside, making him glad that he was finally home.

    “Hey honey, what’s wrong?,” he asked, a worried expression on his face, as he entered the living room shortly after and saw his wife crying on the sofa. Louise let out a quiet sob, before she mumbled,  
    “Thi-This is SO sad. He shouldn’t die. He just wanted to help.” She pointed at the TV in front of her where a dying Dobby lay in the arms of Harry Potter and suddenly Tom had to fight the urge to laugh.  
    “Oh Lou, that’s just a film. No need to get so upset about it, eh?,” he replied and sat down next to her, pulling her into his arms.  
    “But it’s not fair.” Again she let out a sob and snuggled closer to Tom. Slowly, he stroked along her arm and rocked her gently back and forth. He had realised that she wept rather easily recently and was quiet worried about her.

 

    Their tour had finished in mid-August and since then she and the guys had spent a bit of time in the studio trying to come up with new ideas. But given that Henry was finally in a relationship himself, the others wanted to spend a bit more time with their respective partners, leaving Louise home alone, waiting for him to come back from the shoot.  
    “What’s wrong, darling? It’s not the film that upsets you so much, is it?,” he whispered and breathed a kiss onto her forehead. She inhaled deeply, trying to calm down a bit, before she replied,  
    “I don’t know. It’s just so...one moment I’m so happy and the next I could cry the whole time and...it’s so confusing.” She looked at him apologetically, red rimmed eyes and wet, flushed cheeks from crying.  
    “I’m worried about you,” he confessed and gently wiped away a few more of her tears.  
    “I’m sorry,” she mumbled and buried her face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his oh-so-familiar scent which made her relax a little easier.

 

    Gently, he pulled her onto his lap, making sure that the blanket was still around her, before he put his arms around her waist. He had realised that her tummy seemed a bit fuller these days but did not want to mention it to her. The question “Honey, could you be pregnant?” could backfire easily if she had just gained a bit of weight after finishing the tour and indulging in home-baked goods.  
    “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Lou,” he whispered and lifted up her chin slowly so he could look her in the eyes. “But if there’s anything, anything at all, that worries you or upsets you or annoys you, please talk to me about it, okay? Whatever it is, we can make it better.” His soft, blue eyes roamed over her features, taking in every single detail of her beautiful face, while she nodded slowly.

 

    “I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Would you come along?,” she added quietly, looking at him a little shyly.  
    “What kind of doctor?” Worry flared up in his eyes once more and he held her closer to him.  
    “Gynaecologist.” At first he thought he had misheard her but when a little smile flickered on her lips, he beamed at her.  
    “You think you might be...?” He did not have to finish the sentence as Louise nodded already. His passionate kiss took her by surprise a little but she responded to it ever so gladly and Dobby’s recent death was easily forgotten.

 

    Impatiently, she drummed a random rhythm onto her knee the next day while they waited in the anteroom together. Previously, the doctor had taken a blood sample which was being analysed at the in-house lab at the moment. Gently, Tom took her hand in his and breathed a kiss onto the back. He was glad that they were the only ones there given that it was still very early in the morning. He was probably just as nervous as Louise, and autograph and photo requests would not have done either of them any good at that moment.

    “Don’t Lou,” he mumbled as she turned towards him, an expression of doubt and worry on her face. He knew what she wanted to ask. “What if it goes wrong again?” This question had been bustling about in their heads ever since they had started trying for a baby but in the end they had to risk it if they wanted to have children. Pondering the ‘what if’ question would not make things any better.

 

    “Mrs Hiddleston? Would you follow me please?” A young nurse, maybe in her early twenties was standing in the door, looking at them expectantly. Immediately, Louise got up and Tom followed suit. They were lead into the doctor’s treatment room and as soon as they had entered it, the gynaecologist joined them as well. He smiled a friendly smile, holding a piece of paper in his hands.  
    “Mrs Hiddleston, could I ask you to lie down please? I would like to do an RTU.” Quickly, she looked at Tom, a little worried and nervous before she did as the doctor asked and lay down, pulling up her shirt in order to allow him access to her stomach.

    She flinched a little as the cold gel landed on her skin and she looked at her husband pleadingly. He stepped next to her, holding her hand and breathed a kiss onto her forehead.  
    “I’m here, darling,” he whispered and smiled at her lovingly.  
They both looked at the screen, seeing nothing but black and grey and white all mixed together into an indistinguishable pattern. The doctor however looked here and there, moving the probe as he did so before he had another look at Louise’s patient file. Two pairs of eyes observed his every move and every possible change of emotion in his face until he finally turned towards them, a gentle smile on his lips.

 

    “I am sorry that I am so obviously testing your patience Mr & Mrs Hiddleston but given that you had an ectopic pregnancy earlier this year, Mrs Hiddleston, I wanted to be sure that my assumptions are correct.”

    He turned the screen towards them, having stopped it at a particular image. Tears shot into Louise’s eyes as she saw the white, beanlike dot in the middle of it while Tom’s face showed no signs of understanding yet.  
    “Congratulations, you’re pregnant. And as far as I can tell, everything is going as planned,” the doctor added while the first tear rolled down her cheek. Her eyes were fixed on the screen while the doctor explained to them what they could see on the image and as he moved the probe again, the baby’s heartbeat could be observed as well.

    Louise looked up at Tom, who was just wiping away a few tears that had spilled out of his eyes. He looked at his wife, eyes full of pride and joy, and he slowly bent down to be at her height.  
    “I can’t believe it. We’re having a baby,” he whispered and looked at her lovingly. Gently, Louise placed a hand on his cheek and wiped away a few of his tears while she nodded.  
    “Yes, we’re having a baby,” she replied just as quietly and laughed happily, before she pulled him into a tender kiss.

 

    Once outside the doctor’s surgery, a new appointment written down in her calendar and multiple copies of the baby’s first photo in her bag, Tom picked her up and swirled her around, clearly overjoyed about the news. Louise squealed a little and buried her face in the crook of his neck, laughing.  
    “I just want to stand on top of Big Ben right now and tell the whole world about it,” he grinned after he had put her down again. “God, you have no idea how happy I am. How happy YOU make me, Lou. I love you so, so much!,” he added and pressed his lips against hers.  
    “I love you, too,” she mumbled after the kiss, a huge grin plastered on her face.  
    “Did you see how tiny it was? Not even as big as my thumb.” Tom was still totally amazed by the sheer tininess of the foetus and his eyes were shining brightly with excitement. Louise laughed quietly, while she snuggled up to him on their way to their car. With her, the news had not sunken in yet but Tom’s babbling about it made it more and more real with every step they took.

    They were really having a baby. A tiny human being was now growing inside of her and in less than 7 months they would be able to hold it in their arms, feed it, cuddle it, look at it, smell it, touch it.  
    Before she could enter the car, Tom held her back carefully and placed a hand on her cheek. His lips found hers, gently and carefully, and for that particular moment neither of them cared about the heavy, thick snowflakes falling down from the sky, covering the British capital under a blanket of white icing sugar.


	16. Little One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer applies...

**16\. Little One**  

_His hands intertwined with those of his wife, Tom followed Luke and the others towards the cars, where he helped Louise inside. He smiled as his eyes fell on her growing bump and he could not resist to rest his hand on top of it, as he took a seat next to her._

_The car stopped just moments after and Julien, the UNICEF representative in Guinea, pointed to a group of children, huddled together under the lights of the car park, reading._

_As he explained that this was their only possibility to read after long days of work and sometimes mile-long walks to reach the car park, Tom felt tears welling up in his eyes and Louise next to him, who was more emotional now anyway, did nothing herself to hide the salty drops of water running down her cheeks._

_They were tired when they arrived at their quarters but dinner with Julien and two more team members was ahead of them and both were too curious, too fascinated to let this opportunity slip from their grasp._

_Nevertheless, they were grateful for those few minutes on their own as they had left the cars and had been shown to their sleeping-places for the night. Without saying a word, Louise dropped her bag and walked over to Tom, hugging him tightly despite the heat and their already sweaty skin._

_What they had seen in those last few hours was already so life-changing and humbling, and with her hormones being in a muddle anyway, it felt all a bit too much. Tom wondered whether it had been a good idea to bring her along on the trip but she had wanted to so desperately and he was also glad that he could share all this with her._

_Gently, he stroked along her back while pressing a kiss onto her temple. It had taken them almost a day to get from their London flat to where they were now and it had been an exhausting trip. Still, he thought she looked radiant and beautiful and so utterly perfect._

_“Thank you for being here with me,” he whispered into the thrumming silence around them. It sounded nothing like London and yet everything seemed vibrant and alive and energetic._

_Louise looked up at him, a loving smile on her lips, her skin glowing along with her eyes._

_“Thank you for taking me with you. I can’t wait to meet all these wonderful people working here. Julien is such a wonderfully optimistic and inspiring person.” He nodded, smiling and kissed her chastely on the lips, one hand still on her back, the other gently resting on her bump._

 

    “How is our little one?,” he asked with a loving smile, closing the door of their London flat behind them.

    “Very nice to me, given that I didn’t sleep that much since we left Guinea,” she replied happily and placed her hand softly on her bump after she had taken off her coat

    Still, even after all those weeks, it seemed a miracle to her. Everything was way too good, way too perfect, and even though she desperately wanted to be happy, she was also a little wary and afraid that at some point it might go horribly wrong.

    With Tom on her side, though, things always seemed brighter and happier. To her, he was an incurable optimist and luckily for the both of them, his optimism was contagious most of the time.

 

    “It’s strange to be back, isn’t it?,” she mumbled as she walked back into their bedroom after taking a shower, clad in nothing but a bra and a pair of dark plaid pyjama bottoms. Tom sat on the bed, having changed into his bedclothes as well, looking at the photos they had taken during their time in Guinea on his laptop.

    “Yes it is.” He looked up at her and nodded with a faint smile on his lips, which turned into a grin as he realised she was pulling out a shirt to sleep in from his side of the closet again. This time her choice fell on his Loki-Shirt which read ‘I do what I want’ on the front. His eyebrows shot up, as she climbed into the bed next to him, an innocent smile on her carmine lips.

    “What?,” she grinned and snuggled up to him.

    “You like my clothes, huh?,” he smirked and she nodded quickly.

    “I have to make use of the fact that they still fit me,” she laughed and added, “And they always smell of you. I love that.” She bit her lip with a sheepish smile and looked up at him lovingly.

Breathing a kiss onto her nose, he pulled her gently closer and together they looked through their photos.

 

    “A child suits you,” Louise whispered proudly after a little while and looking at Tom, she realised he was blushing. “I can’t wait to see our child in your arms,” she added just as quietly and kissed him softly on the cheek.

    “I’m quite nervous to be honest,” he mumbled, shyly. “What if I’m just too clumsy or too incompetent? What if I mess up as a dad?”

 

Carefully, Louise took the laptop, closed it and put it down beside the bed before she turned back to Tom.

    “I’m nervous, too, Tom. I’m scared as hell every single minute and I worry about everything that could possibly go wrong. I worry about getting fat and ugly and becoming one of those boring stay-at-home mums who worry only about their makeup and hair and nails. I worry about being too over-protective or too careless.I worry about these mood swings I have. I mean, one moment I’m incredibly happy and could hug everyone and the next I feel like the world is one my shoulders and I cannot bear it. God, you must find that terribly annoying,” she laughed a little and gently placed a finger on his lips as to hush him.

 

    “There are moments where I believe that everything is just a little bit too much. Where I wish my mum was still here, helping me out with advice and telling me anecdotes about how she brought up my brothers and me.” A few tears rushed into her eyes but she blinked them away quickly. This was not about her mother, this was about them, about him.

 

    “But every morning I wake up and look at you, I know that everything will work out just well. I feel so incredibly safe and protected with you, so loved and cherished that I completely forget about all these extra kilos and the mood swings and the challenges ahead. I’ve got the most wonderful man in the world right by my side and I know that we will be okay. We will manage, we will learn, we will grow. We don’t have to be perfect for others, as long as we are perfect for each other. And I know for sure, that you’re absolutely perfect for me.”

 

    He looked at her, overwhelmed and touched by her words, tears twinkling in the corners of his eyes. He gazed down onto their intertwined hands for a moment, gently stroking across the back of hers with his thumb. A single tear of his spilled onto her skin and she bit her lip with a loving smile, as she disentangled one of her hands and slowly lifted up his chin. She had not seen him speechless for quite some time but then again no words were needed here.

 

    “You have no idea how much I love you,” he whispered, breathless, without taking his eyes of her.

    “I love you to the moon and back,” she mumbled and he smiled. His mother had given them this book when she had learned of Lou’s pregnancy.

    “Thank you so much, Louise. I wouldn’t know what to do without you. And just so you know, I love every single gramme on you and every mood swing you might have. You are the most beautiful woman and you are going to be a wonderful mother. I still can’t quite believe that you really decided to marry me. I truly am the luckiest man in the world,” he replied and soon after kissed her ever so gently, ever so lovingly before he turned his attention to her baby bump.

 

    “Hello baby,” he whispered with a smile and carefully pushed the shirt up a bit. “I don’t even know whether you can already hear me or whether you even care but I want to let you know that we can’t wait to meet you and we love you and…and you’ve got the most beautiful mummy and the most excited daddy waiting here for you.” He softly breathed a kiss onto her skin and Louise let a hand run through his blondish hair before he sat back up and pulled her close to himself, their hands resting together on her tummy, right below her heart.


	17. Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the usual disclaimer applies...

**17\. Goodbye**  

    Silently, they sat next to each other on the bench in the sunshine. It was a warm day at the end of August and birds could be heard all around them, singing their songs in the trees and bushes. Apart from that it was quiet. No cars could be heard, no construction site noises, no screaming children or squealing girls chased by their cheeky boyfriends.

    It was just quiet.

 

    Their faces were pale despite the huge amount of sunshine England had been blessed with in the previous weeks, making their red-rimmed eyes stand out even more than they would have done normally.

    Another lonely tear rolled slowly across his cheek, leaving a wet, glittery trail on his skin. He could not be bothered to wipe it away. He could not be bothered to do a lot of things anymore.

 

    On that morning, a week ago, he had forgotten how to smile, how to be happy, how to enjoy life. On that morning, when he had taken Louise’s hand and together they had quietly stepped into their 2-months-old daughter’s nursery only to find her lying cold and dead in her crib, he had forgotten how to live.

 

_“God honey, she is beautiful,” he whispered, amazed and overwhelmed as his wife held their newborn daughter in their arms. She was tiny and fragile and slightly pink but oh so beautiful. Gently, he pressed a kiss onto Louise’s sweaty forehead, who was exhausted and tired but as happy as never before._

_“I love you so much! Both of you,” he breathed and his blue eyes met her hazel ones before their gazes turned back towards their little bundle of joy in her arms._

_“I love you, too,” Louise mumbled and kissed him quickly on the cheek, watching him while the tip of his finger glided slowly across their daughter’s face with his eyes taking in every detail of this tiny human being._

_**_

_“He just doesn’t want to let her go, huh?,” Emma grinned as she stood on Louise’s hospital bedside the next morning. Both their families were there to have a look at their newest family member but so far Tom had barely given Sophie away for more than a minute. Instead, he was holding her gently, looking at her, cooing lightly, and observing her every move with watchful and proud eyes._

_“Not a chance,” Louise grinned. “Well, unless she’s hungry, then I get a go,” she winked at her sister-in-law before her eyes wandered back to her husband and daughter._

_Tom looked up and right at her, the biggest smile on his face as he came wandering across the room towards her. Carefully, he placed Sophie in his wife’s arms before he sat down next to her, pressing a kiss onto her forehead._

_**_

_“Welcome home, darling,” she mumbled to her daughter after Tom had opened the door for them and she stepped into their flat, holding her little one close to her heart. Sophie was already yawning again and close to falling asleep while her parent’s attention was all on her._

_The first few days with her had gone by like a dream. They still could not quite believe that this wonderful, little girl was theirs, and theirs alone._

_Excitedly, Tom walked ahead and opened the door to the newly decorated nursery, it’s bright yellow walls adorned with characters from their favourite childhood books. Opening the curtains, he let the sun dive into the room, lighting it up as if it wanted to welcome its new inhabitant with some warming rays of sunshine._

_Carefully, Louise laid her daughter down in the crib, covering her with her new blanket as to keep her warm and protected. She snuggled up to Tom, whose arms were snaked around her waist, holding her close while they both watched their baby girl fall asleep. She looked so innocent and sweet, so perfect in every way._

_**_

_Louise chuckled lightly as Tom chose the baby sling again instead of the pram for their walk and she helped him to secure their daughter to his chest. Two weeks had gone by since she had been born and they were still as enthralled by her as in their very first moment together._

_Gently, he placed one hand on the sleeping girl’s back before he intertwined the other with that of his wife. Kissing the back of Lou’s hand, he smiled at her lovingly and together they left their flat for a walk in the park._

_It was a lovely summer’s day with the sun shining brightly and birds singing in the trees. Children were running across the grass chasing a football or each other. London was throbbing with happy people it seemed and amidst all of them were them, relishing their newly-gained happiness._

_**_

_“Shall we go and wake her up?,” he mumbled, smiling and kissed Louise tenderly before she nodded. He stood up and pulled her into his arms, pressing another kiss onto her temple._

_“You look beautiful, darling,” he whispered and grinned a little, as she blushed._

_“I bet I don’t,” she smirked and ruffled through her hair after she had straightened her shirt. “I’ve got bed hair, I can’t look beautiful,” she added and looked up at him, at his bright blue eyes shining like twinkling stars on a dark winter sky._

_“To me you are always beautiful,” he breathed and his soft lips found hers instantly again while he pulled her gently closer._

_“I love you,” she whispered into the kiss and he returned her confession before they intertwined their hands and walked quietly into their daughter’s bedroom._

 

    He could still hear her piercing scream ringing in his ear. He could still see how all colour drained from her face as she felt their daughter’s cold skin underneath her fingertips. He could still recall those seconds when his heart stopped beating while his mind still hoped this was just a horrible nightmare he would wake up from every moment.

    But even though it was a nightmare, they were wide awake while experiencing it. Every bit of it, horrible and cruel as it was, was real.

 

    Their little angel had fallen asleep forever that night. While they were sleeping in their beds merely a few metres away, Sophie’s soul had left them, leaving her fragile, cold body behind for them to find it in the morning.

    Each day since then had passed by like a dream and without the help of their families they would not have been able to manage. They still could not cope with losing their firstborn. Maybe they never would.

 

    So many people had turned up for Sophie’s funeral that day. Each and every one of them, some of whom had not even met her, wanted to pay their respects to the little girl who had lit up her parent’s life for a few precious weeks.

    The hole she had left behind was huge and gaping but their family members, friends, and most of all their love for each other made sure they would not fall in.

 

    Gently, he took Louise’s hand in his and pressed a kiss on the back of it. It was little signs of affection like this that reminded them of what they still had amidst this incredibly overwhelming feeling of loss.

    She rested her head on his shoulder, their hands still intertwined, their eyes fixed on the tombstone in front of them. Flowers were covering the newly dug up ground. Flowers in all shapes and sizes and colours.

 

    He could feel his shoulder get wet but he did not say a word. He was glad she finally cried after she had fallen into a state of shock again, just like when her mother had died. He was afraid he might have lost her too, that she might crumble and fall into pieces under the unbearable weight of her sadness and grief.

 

    Louise’s mother Emily would now look after their little baby girl until they met again. Her grave was next to that of her granddaughter, both protected by a tree that Lucas had planted a few years ago in memory of his beloved, deceased wife.

    Even though it did not take away his grief and sadness, it made him feel somewhat calmer knowing that his little angel would not be all on her own but had her grandmother by her side who could tell her all about her mummy and daddy.

 

    When the sun finally started to set, Tom tugged gently on Louise’s hand.

    “Let’s go home, Lou,” he whispered, his voice croaky from all the crying and all the silence. He stood up and his wife followed suit before they both took a few steps towards the grave.

    “Goodbye, baby girl,” he mumbled, dropping to his knees, overwhelmed by another wave of sobs and tears. “We’ll be back soon, don’t you worry.” More tears spilled out of his eyes. “We love you. We always will. Please don’t forget that,” he breathed finally, feeling Lou’s hands on his shoulders, in his hair, on his cheeks.

 

    Gently, she helped him to stand up and pulled him into an embrace while he was sobbing uncontrollably. His tears seeped through her black blouse and sunk into her skin. He was clutching onto her and she did her best to be a support for him while her own tears rolled silently down her cheeks. She knew it would take a while until it had all sunken in, for the both of them, and they their wounds might never heal completely.

 

    But she also knew that she loved him more than anything and he knew that he loved her above all. Together they could make it. Together they could be strong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it for “Where I sleep…”. If you want to, you can read “My dear Sophie” as an epilogue to this.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. I am very grateful that people actually take their time and read my writing and any form of feedback is highly appreciated.
> 
> Fell free to browse through my other stories as well and maybe you will come back for the sequel to this (which I have planned but not yet written).
> 
> Until then, thanks a lot again and feel free to drop me a message any time you like.
> 
> xx

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to visit my tumblr page http://w-is-for-writing.tumblr.com to find out more about my stories, my characters, and everything else you might be interested in :)


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